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And if I keep my chin up
"Can't you feel your brain cells being wasted right now?"
"Wasted?"
"Yeah. Right now I should be sitting in front of a keyboard somewhere
composing sonnets to your eyes."
"Instead of lying here and being happy, you mean? Is this just a waste to
you?"
"No. No, that's not what I mean. I mean that lately I've felt like I really should be devoting
every moment I have to contributing something, you know? Writing things that
give little pieces of myself to other people."
"So, writing?"
"I don't know. Yes. The same way all these other people leave me little hints. What they know
of life and what I know of life make a powerful combination. I can't put it
down."
"So write about this. Your brain cells will die for a good reason. They'll be
martyrs."
Grin.
Break down the barriers
Another morning waking up in this bed would be bliss, I am convinced, but I can't keep doing
it because there is trash to take out and business to take care of and, of course, if I stay
happy for too long I will get bored and unhappy and the whole cycle starts over again. So I
allow myself these brief periods of unpleasantness that make the happy parts so much sweeter.
Like riding my bike long distances to see you every day. It made it a hundred times more worth
it to have a beautiful girl waiting at the end of the road with a towel and a
glass of water.
There are stars out there and I want to make it to see them.
They told us that the stars are different from outside of the atmosphere.
"They're brighter and more sharp. All of the twinkling that you see from
Earth is caused by
pollution and impurities in the air." My teacher said this confidently, as
though he transcended the air all the time. Oh yes, I went up for a jaunt in a
geosynchronous orbit
yesterday. You haven't been? You really must try it.
At the time I just assumed that he was making things up, but of course it's true, as the
disappointing facts of reality always are. Sex isn't good enough the first time. You will not
find happiness just because you like your career. You will not find true love by being nice to
a lot of people. A lot of things are letdowns.
Now the stars aren't what we think they are. I realized it one night when I looked up at the
sky from a parking lot at eleven at night and noticed that the city had created virtual
daylight. There aren't any stars at all on that block, even on a clear night. I could write
term papers sitting on the wet ground without so much as straining my eyes.
I will grow old. But I will grow old slower than any man who came before me
grew old. I will live to see the things that you never imagined.
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