When life gives you shit

Bullshit, or cow manure, is a valuable fertilizer for your vegetable garden or farm, especially if you are into organic gardening and thus can't use synthetics. You can also mix it with the grass clippings and apple cores in your compost pile -- the anaerobic bacteria do good for the process of decay, which turns your garbage into good soil. As the Discordians put it: "Bullshit makes the flowers grow ... and that's beautiful."

Guano -- the nitrogen-rich shit of bats and some birds -- was once mined from caves in Puerto Rico and other island locations. (You may recall the importance of guano mining in the plot of Ian Fleming's Doctor No.) Before the advent of synthetic fertilizer, the guano trade was an important source of fertilizer for farming.

Nature, by and large, does not waste anything, even the things that we refer to as "waste". When life gives you shit, make fertilizer!

Makes about eight glasses of shitade.

Ingredients:

• 2 cups Faecelex®-brand extra-virgin shit
• 2 quarts filtered water
• 2 sugar
• 1 tsp. salt

Stir together in a large mixing bowl the sugar, salt, and shit. Let sit 30 minutes for the sugar to soak up the shit flavor.

Bring water to boil in large pot. Slowly pour the prepared mixture into the water. Simmer at low boil for 30 minutes.

Pour result into pitcher. Serve chilled in glass tumblers. Enjoy!

Crazy Larry's Hard Shitade

Same as above, but begin with only 3 pints water. Before serving, add 1 pint Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum and stir thoroughly. Gives quite the kick!