A problem many people have while having sex in French is a lack of vocabulary and phrases. While it is certainly possible to get away with only a rudimentary knowledge of French sexual vocabulary, there are many situations in which only a mastery of the jargon will do.
This article attempts to provide a sort of primer, with words and vocabulary helpfully translated in order to equip the French-language-sex virgin for any possible encounters.
First, some simple vocabulary.
Penis:
As in English, there are many terms by which the penis can be called; however, the most popular is the word bite, pronounced bee-tuh, like the English word beet. Do not pronounce it like the English word bite; this could easily lead to unfortunate - and possibly injurious - misunderstandings, especially if your partner speaks at least elementary English, as many French-speakers do.
Another word in common usage is the word queue, which generally means tail, but in context is understood to refer to the penis. However, this particular term is not heavily used; it is generally seen as somewhat juvenile, which may or may not suit the whims of the speaker.
A word of somewhat military origin, verge originally referred to a long, flexible length of wood - what might nowadays be referred to as a cane, in the sense of canings and corporal punishment. Perhaps not surprising, then, that it has become a sexual term; its usage may be considered archaic by some, but is probably safe for general use.
Another possibility is the catch-all term for genitalia, sexe. When using this term to refer to the penis, be sure to use the masculine articles to avoid confusion, as well as to be grammatically accurate.
Vagina:
By far, the most common word used to refer to the female genitals in French is chatte. Less clinical than vagin, nor as generic as sexe, chatte is the word of choice in this category. The alternatives - cramouille (originally referring to a deep area in a body of water) and moule (clam) are not likely to provoke much sexual feeling.
With this basic vocabulary out of the way, it becomes necessary to move on to the subject of verbs. It is assumed that the reader has a basic knowledge of how to conjugate verbs in the imperative and present tenses; thus, all that will be provided in this section will be verbs and their translations.
The simple "action verbs" most likely to come up whilst having sex in French are the ones referring to a specific act of sex - sucer (meaning "to suck"); foutre (meaning "to fuck"); enfiler and enculer (both meaning "to have anal sex"); and jouir ("to orgasm"). The word baiser may also be used as a verb, meaning "to fuck", but in its usual sense means "to kiss" - however, this last meaning has all but vanished in France, and thus one should be careful using it in that sense. The verb coucher - made popular by the pop song Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? - can be used in the same way, although its usage tends to be restricted to the poetic - though not as poetic as faire la bête à deux dos, of course.
One final verb - the verb introduire - meaning, as in English, "to introduce", in the sense of putting an object into another. Obviously in this case you would also note what you would be "introducing", and into what - for which examples will be given in the next section.
Sample phrases:
The phrases will be given in the following format:
Phrase in English
Phrase in French (Phrase in Quebec French)
I want to have sex with you.
Je veux te baiser. (J'veux t'baiser.)
Let's have sex.
Allons faire la bête à deux dos. (Allons, toé y moé, foutre à c'qu'on perd conscience.)
Please be careful with the shirt/skirt, I paid 50$ for it last weekend.
S'il-vous-plait faites attention à ne pas déchirer ma chemise / ma jupe, je l'ai payé €40 le weekend passé. (Déchire ma chemise / ma jupe et j'vais te donner un bon coup d'poing / fessée, j'l'ai payé $55 au mall le weekend.)
Take off your pants / skirt.
Enlève tes pantalons / ta jupe. (Strippez tes jeans / ta jupe.)
Shall we do it on the couch or the bed?
Allons-nous faire l'amour sur le sofa ou le lit? (Icitte ou l'chamb' à coucher?)
I want your hard cock.
Je veux ta bite bandante. (Si t'es pas prèt en quinze secondes j't'quitte, espèce de con.)
Suck it.
Suce-le. (Suck it, beetch.)
Lick my pussy.
Lechez ma chatte, s'il-vous-plait... (Lechez-le!)
I'm going to stick it in.
Je vais te l'introduire, ma bite. (J'vais t'l'introduire!)
Oh, yes, fuck me!
Oh, oui, baisez-moi! (Oui, fouts-moi! Oui!)
I'm cumming!
Je jouis! (Je jouis!)
Not in the eyes!
Pas dans les yeux! (Maudit batard, je t'ai dit de ne pas jouir sur mon visage!)
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