What to do if the Grim Reaper shows up at your door

Piers Anthony, in On a Pale Horse, suggested that Death was not always the same person. Although immortal, if a mere human managed to kill death when it came for him, he took the robes of office and became the Thanatos until the next mortal killed him.

Of course, my favorite story based around death was Grim Fandango. The main character, Manuel Calavera, is a travel agent in the Land of the Dead, selling people Luxury cruises and Express Train tickets to the final resting place. Manny's best quote, or one of them at least... "My scythe. I keep it where my heart used to be."

• Get a long black robe, with a hood that hides your face
• Make friends with a farmer and borrow a scythe (little does he know that you don't plan on returning it)
• Get black gloves
• Get black boots

Now you should be all set, when ol' Reap ends up at your steps, just answer the door as you normally would, bow your head, so that no skin is showing, and tell him, "Everything's cool, I've got this one." If you're lucky, your ruse will fool Reap and he'll leave, thinking that one of his co-workers was just getting some overtime. If this ruse fails, then you'll have to resort to other tactics. One of my favorites is to, when you notice the reaction (look for body carriage, you're not gonna see it in the face) that says, 'I don't believe you just tried to pull that shit,' you're gonna have to change your plan. Grin big and sheepishly and tell the Grim Reaper that you're his biggest fan, and ask for his autograph, thank him, give him a hug, then retreat, slamming the door in his face. If he starts at your residence with a persistent knock, then you can yell through the door about how great it would be to go out to dinner with him sometime, and mull over the old business. If he continues, then you can call the fuzz on the cheeky bastard.