I sit at the top of Soledad Mountain and I wonder to myself, "How important am I?" There are so many lives being led that my measly little life seems so trivial. There are so many things in the world that I can't help but think how insignificant I am. To people that I don't know, I do not exist. So does that mean that if no one knows you, you do not exist? Of course you meet people on every street corner for a brief moment in time...but you are that easily forgotten. I think that it is pathetic that a person is often times based on who they know and how many people care about him/her.
I think about the world and it's entirety and I start believing that if I died at this exact moment, who would care? Who would even know? The way that I see it, the odds are against any individual. That is the reason why people feel the need to join gangs or clubs, so that they will have more of a foothold into their own personal existence in this world. That is why girls powder their noses, primp and curl their hair... So they have that sense of belonging that makes them feel more important about themselves. This way they have a better feeling about their life and why they were put here on this earth. "If I were gone, this person would miss me and this person would definitely cry for me, etc., etc." I believe this is what those people are thinking. If you lose this self-esteem and you start believing that you don't have a place or a vessel to claim as yourself, then I think the term suicidal may pop into any person's mind. But even then, you read a node like this, then you click a link and, again, it (he or she) is that easily forgotten. Then again some people might think it is a search for the meaning of life. Not only "life itself, but a search for the meaning of your own life. This can be a person's cry for help OR a person seeking true enlightenment. That is an opinion that is strictly left up to the reader.
"In the grand scheme of things... Where do I fit in?" I think that is the question I am trying to find. If anyone has the answer...please let me know because I have met with little success in figuring this troubling inquest out myself. I don't strive to be famous, important, known or even liked, but I know some people would surely shrivel up and die if they didn't have their place in the spotlight every once in a while. Maybe I am being selfish or inconsiderate but I do wonder if I am even needed or wanted by anyone else on this earth.
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