moJoe: you have chosen your day.
You have thrown down the begrimed gauntlet of self-delusion:
Create your own Everything2 Holiday
Dammit! I want with all my little black heart, AN ENTIRE WEEK!
..and I shall have it. Yes, oh yes, yes...it shall be in all the less than genious maniacally polite evil world almost-conquering pet-stroking bald madmen ways....totally mine.
Since most of the more popularly franchised religious holidays (make no mistake, this *is* a
religious holiday) occur over a special number of named days, I deem myself worthy of encompassing
no less than seven. The deemage trends of others is below my consideration; It is very small of
the reader to be thinking at this precise point in time "jeeez, Toasty is such a cock", but
I imagine that's what you're doing. Hahah..there's just that much more room for me to self-actualize
myself right off the freakin' top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs now that you jumped off into the cesspool
of petty jealousy. Egomaniacality is a *virtue*,even if it may not be a word!
If I find Tony Robbins in my way anywhere near the top, he can damn well expect to lose some of those
freaky big white teeth. Profit power and love from that, motivatey!
Day1: The Day of Lurid Confrontation with your Peers
Stayeth home thou must not, on this thine first day of celebratory things and stuffeth.
Embark unto thine place of slavery, or enslaved study, or slavish devotion to something. Something enslaving will do. umm..doeth.
I reserve the right to drop out of character as I damn see fit...my holiday, my rules, my atrocious ye olde bible accent.
Wherever you are, you must be wearing a QUT School of Management cap. It must be
placed upon the head so that the bland and unimaginative affiliatory text faces towards the back.
YOU MAY NOT GANGSTA RAP AT THIS POINT!, unless you are actually somebody's homie (with a signed
license to that extent)...in which case, proceed, but try to avoid the phrase 'dick upside yo head',
which has lost its sparkle.
If you do not have a cap..DO NOT COMPLAIN! I have many. People here give them to me because they
know I don't wear them. This makes the people here more brainscrewed than I had previously thought
possible, but I'm learning to like that. I will send you a CAP, free of charge, but the postage
will be atrocious due to religious observances in the manner of CAP delivery. Virgin lesbian solo 'round
the world kayak paddlers bearing an uncanny resemblance to Charlton Heston do not work cheap.
Put on your damn CAP. Be simultaneously VERY NAKED, and covered in the blood of no fewer than
three species of frog (frogs must be bled, not killed, otherwise their spirit aura protection WILL NOT
work for you, but against you).
RUN THROUGH THE DAMN HALLS OF YOUR ENSLAVEMENT.
Do not walk. I will know if you do, and will be suitably displeased in a sipping coconut cocktails
in the carribean on the profits of my postage charge scam type of way.
SCREAM AND WAVE YOUR ARMS AROUND. It will help if nothing you say makes sense. THIS WILL
CAUSE SOME CONSTERNATION AMONGST YOUR PEERS. This is only natural. Do not judge them, as this is
the essence of the celebratory religious fervour. HUG many of them. DON'T LET THEM WRIGGLE AWAY FROM YOU!
Finish with the words:
"I HAVE ACTIONED MY PARADIGM..FEEL THE DAMN LEVERAGE IN THIS HERE TOTAL QUALITY".
Run back to your inner-enslavement-sanctum and LOCK THE DOOR. You will need to do this, because
very soon, many people will be coming to congratulate you in quite strange ways for your extreme
piety.
Quickly node your experiences in a daylog, but ENCODE the day log so that it is all about
flowers and your new pants. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. The pants must be green. Flower colour is left
as an individual expression of your own particular religious zeal.
That's about all you'll have time for.
Day2-7: The Days of Contemplation and Chafed Wrists
lie back, and enjoy the medication...you've earned it. There may or may not be
frogs with you at this point. In any case, I am now proud of you and your
untiring devotion to no particular religion, in a wildly giggling through my wire muzzle fashion.
date of celebration to be announced psychically
El Satanico "moJoe" Hernandez, you have chosen to glorify yourself pendejo. Theees is now a religious issue. You talked trash about me. You talk a big talk, Satanico, now it is time to walk a big walk. Into the steel cage you must walk, enamorado del burrito. I Los Huevos Grandes "ToasterLeavings" de Almohada Cerveza will be waiting for you. Only one of us will leave. Meaning the other one will stay...or go, depending on whether they want to, but let's not worry about that now. See you in the caaage Satanico, if you have the huevos for it pollo boy. You are notheeeeng!1
1: this small random personal attack brought to you by the society for anachronistic reconstruction of the suspiciously quiet World Theological Mexican Style Wrestling Federation
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