Everything2
Near Matches
Ignore Exact
Full Text
Everything2

Things you don't want to hear (but will) when you get into bed with a girl

created by sighmoan

(idea) by sighmoan (5.7 mon) (print)   ?   1 C! I like it! Thu Jun 21 2001 at 12:14:00

"Would you mind trimming your toe-nails first? This quilt is a hundred years old."

Girls ask more questions than boys. This is not because they don't know the answers. It's like those software-based employment tests--they want to see how much time you need to think about your answers.

"Do you like (insert her best friend's name here)?"
"Do you like cottage cheese?"
"Do you like children?"
"Is my butt too big?"
"Am I 'cute'?"

You may not want to hear these questions but, if your answers are inept, you'll hear things even less delightful:

"We need to talk, first..."

or, worse,

"I changed my mind."

...That's one you won't hear too often from a boy! But let's say that you've negotiated the labyrinth perfectly, leaving bread-crumbs along the way so that you can remember what you said in the morning. The dilligently-sought treasure is before you--you have only to reach out your hand to touch it.....and her hand moves yours away. There's one more thing you don't want to hear--but will, sooner or later, if you sleep around enough:

"I can't do it that way. That's how I was raped."

Deal with it. If you hear this, it means that she trusts you to hear it; don't let her down by insisting or being petulant. She may want to talk about it, but probably not now. Be grateful for honesty; honesty is sexy--even the kind that hurts will seem good when you're too old to fuck anymore.

"You told me again you preferred handsome men, but for me you would make an exception."


printable version
chaos

Chelsea Hotel No. 2 Some advice on girls by a girl : the simple stuff How to make love to a victim of sexual assault I considered cutting my toenails, but they're my only natural defense
Things guys think girls should know Penises have higher bandwidth than cable modems My Mother and I Love Your Butt Questions we use to test men
Failed attempts to seduce right wing religious fanatics I am a rape survivor Yes, WE are pregnant Oh, oh, look at my redeeming honesty
Sexual myths about women Dykes To Watch Out For Touch the Puppy Sorry about the small penis
I am a friend of a rape survivor Ninja High School How do you know when someone's your best friend? The morning after
Turing test Best smoke I've ever had When sex hurts (Men) What to do after unprotected sex
Y'know, if you log in, you can write something here, or contact authors directly on the site. Create a New User if you don't already have an account.
  Epicenter
Login
Password

password reminder
register

Everything2 Help

Cool Staff Picks
Look at this mess the Death Borg made!
The Last Days of Captain Newton
Herero Genocide
Citing writeups
skipping stones
The Spanish Inquisition
Scenes from a Memory
Surgeon
Nodespotting
Jesus driving out the Temple moneychangers
dialect-specific Chinese characters
Words that don't mean the same as they used to
Ending Poetry
Getting an apartment in New York City versus getting an apartment elsewhere
New Writeups
Scaevola
Homosexual marriage(idea)
SteveMurrayFromNZ
Waiver(idea)
nailbiter
nerve stapling(thing)
locke baron
Multiple Myeloma(thing)
SubSane
blonde, freckles, skinny, short(person)
arcanamundi
A Ruba'iyat for May(person)
riverrun
Timed Writing(idea)
auraseer
Fling(fiction)
StrawberryFrog
Iron Man(review)
devolution
Misogyny and Porn, East to West - An Empirical Analysis(idea)
devolution
Korea is a place that refuses to stand still(idea)
Beanie127
The Pacifist Soldier(fiction)
VergilKint
Distilled from Dreams(fiction)
Scaevola
Roman marriage(thing)
rootbeer277
m&m's Ice Cream Treats(review)
Everything 2 is brought to you by the letter C and The Everything Development Company