Things to do, if you are hard-core

Today I took a shower with my clothes on. It's because I'm hard-core.

One time when I was a child, I rode my bicycle into the pool. It's because I'm hard-core.

These are some things you MUST do if you are hard-core. (A warning to the unwary! Do not do it if you aren't already hard-core. This is not!)
• Sleep in a sleeping bag, on your bed, with no sheets. The hardcoreness of this need not be stated.
• When you hear music, start dancing like you are 110% energized! YOUR VEINS ARE NICKEL-CADMIUM BATTERIES! Jay from the clerks knew this. Look at him dance while Bob smokes a cigarette.
• Never own or use a hair-care product. These are for whussies. Or, own and use too many hair care products! Be like Elvis, or Johnny Depp!
• Eat with your hands. When you are at elegant dining with your girlfriend's parents, eat with your fork. But only use one fork! Don't use the other one!
• Talk about daylogs in the chatterbox. Node poetry. Node cure songs. Write emails to dem bones. NO I'M KIDDING! DONT DO ANY OF THIS!
• Be like Brad Pitt in fight club. Or Edward Norton. Lick blood off your lips. And be serious all the time! Your face is grave. You are looking for danger. When it is time to get with the ladies, your facial expression does not change.
• Throw yourself into water! Throw yourself off cliffs! Throw yourself out of airplanes!
• Eat spaghetti with your hands. Eat mushrooms. Do drugs. Do not drive drunk. Don't file your taxes late, or they'll give you a charge. The same is for library books. Your library books should be full of sex!

If you do all these things and you are already hard-core, you will have reached a NEW LEVEL of hardcoreness. It so hard-core it makes me tired. I'll go to sleep in my sleeping bag.