Hard Limit

That is unacceptable. I will not allow myself to be treated this way.

We all have rough edges. When I am simply I, not part of We, I do not worry about my rough edges; they don't hurt anyone but Me. But when I hurt You, We suffer. And when You hurt Me, We suffer. You or I must change.

It is OK to have hard limits. Certain hard limits are universal - no physical, emotional, or mental abuse, for example. Check your hard limits with others - see what other individuals use as their hard limits. Yours do not have to be identical, but they should be reasonable.

You should probably also have a hard limit against unreasonable hard limits in your partner.

Soft Limit

I don't like it when You do that, but it's not worth causing tension....

Soft limits are harder to deal with than hard limits, because the issues are often complex and subtle. Also, soft limits often take time to manifest themselves.

An individual may be able to tolerate a soft limit in a partner, at the cost of some happiness. However, the constant presence of a disharmonious factor may gradually sour relations, and split We into Me and You. Flexibility is the key. Depending on the nature of the soft limit, a compromise might be able to be reached.