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The Heart Punch

created by Devon

(thing) by Devon (10.8 hr) (print)   ?   (I like it!) 1 C! Thu Jul 19 2001 at 18:25:28

First, a little background. Back in the eighties, The Demolition was perhaps the biggest tag team in the WWF. They had rockin' entrance music, sold moves well, and were both (Ax and Smash) large men. They were perhaps the originators of the bad-ass persona's we see in the WWF today, they just didn't care. But Ax was getting a little old by the late eighties/early nineties, and The Demolition started losing momentum, they weren't drawing crowds any more.

So, Vince McMahon, in all his wisdom, decides the most logical thing to do to a tagteam in those days: either give them a manager, or give them a THIRD MEMBER! This came in the form of Crush. Crush would wrestle tag team matches with Ax, sometimes, and Smash on others. Eventually, the Demolition went out of vogue, but Crush (real name: Bryan Adams. No, I'm not joking) went on, becoming the "Kona" Crush, his story being that he was from Hawaii. Yes, that's the whole story. He started wearing really stupid pink, orange and yellow fluorescent, and was built up by the commentators as perhaps the strongest man in the WWF. Maybe this was because his finishing move at this time was a skull crush with which he'd pick you off the ground by your head.

Then, all at once, he vanished. Enter the Nation of Domination. They recruit a member or two. Out comes crush, wearing a prison-issue shirt, facial piercings, and jeans. The story went that he went to jail for something heinous.

His finishing move, when he got back, was called the Heart Punch, the premise being, that because he went to prison, he learned the intricacies of the human body to such an extent that he could cause an immense amount of pain in a person when he punches them in the chest (TWAJS). To do a Heart Punch, you need to:

1. Make sure your hair is in your face - it MUST be wet and parted down the middle! God damn it! - the entire match. This makes you look sinister.

2. Do absolutely no wrestling moves at all. This makes you look sinister. Just beat the guy up.

3. Hold him by the hair with one hand, and pull your fist all the way back. Make sure you look like you're winding up with all your might. This makes you look sinister.

4. Punch him right in the middle of the chest. It doesn't matter where, exactly. Make sure you're wearing gloves (this makes you look sinister). This makes the people think the gloves might be loaded, or something.

5. Your opponent really has to sell the punch, otherwise you just look stupid, and your career begins to crap out, and you end up going to WCW.


printable version
chaos

The Worm Walls of Jericho The Big Elbow TWAJS
The People's Elbow Bryan Adams Finisher Ten Foot Pole
Chlorpheniramine maleate WCW World Wrestling Federation demolition
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