Slower traffic : Keep right fuckers

created by moJoe

(idea) by moJoe (1.2 wk) (print) ? (I like it!) 4 C!s Thu Jul 27 2000 at 0:27:55

I hate cars; this is not something that I try to hide. On the way to the beach with my friends this weekend a few of the stickier points about cars and drivers resurfaced in a way that made me froth at the mouth from the back seat of the car and desperately wish that I had brought along my shotgun.

The road between Seaside, Oregon and Portland, Oregon is one lane in either direction for most of the hour-and-a-half ride; broken only intermittently by brief passing lanes. What possesses someone driving a minivan--the same person that has been holding up not only you but also an entire lane of traffic for upwards of fifteen miles--to suddenly speed up? These people will hit ninety miles-per-hour just so that no one passes them and then slam on their breaks as soon as the right lane merges back in. One has to wonder; do these people have bulletproof cars, built-in machine guns or a death wish? How do these people sleep at night? And even more boggling is how such a competitive asshole could stand to drive THIRTY-FIVE MILES-PER-HOUR for one hundred and fifty miles. Is this some sort of bizarre new cross-breed of sadist and masochist?

Then, of course, comes my all-time favorite driver; the fucker who sits in the fast lane next to a semi and then proceeds to neither slow down nor speed up but rather simply pace the vehicle in the lane next to them subsequently blocking all traffic from passing. You know, before the passing lane begins there is usually a sign that says either:

SLOW TRAFFIC
KEEP RIGHT

or

LEFT LANE FOR
PASSING ONLY

Those signs seem fairly straightforward to me. I am failing to realize how the state could allow mongoloids that cannot understand childishly simple instructions such as these to pilot rolling, one-ton metal structures down curvy, poorly paved roads in speeds excess of 65 miles per hour (if you're lucky).

"I cannot comprehend the simple concepts of traffic safety, the elementary dynamics of traffic flow or general courtesy; hi, I'll be sharing the road with you."

Here is a little true story about how I think things are going to work from now on:

In Salt Lake City some foolish woman decided to cut off another car on the freeway. He pulled up next to her, rammed her off the road, pulled out a gun, plugged her in the head twice and drove off.

Us: 1
Them: 0

printable version
chaos

Unwritten rules for driving	Slower traffic keep right	Windscreen Washer Domino Effect	An Open Letter to the Motorists of Oregon
You're WRONG and you're a GROTESQUELY UGLY FREAK	drinking on the job	The Joy Luck Fight Club	Mongoloid
The sad story of the dual devirginization of a traffic cone	Romancing the brake pedal	Right turns mean faster driving	THE LOUD NODE
Life in the American business world	I will REMOVE the fucking toilet seat if you don't shut up	Massachusetts roadblock	Bram Stoker's Dracula
Julia Stiles of Radical Will	Road rage	Bust A Move	Militant fuckers of any sort
geek code	Massachusetts driving style	around three a.m., things broke	Of Mongoloids and Their Kin

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