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Time: Fri, 1 Sep 2000 00:27:43 GMT
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JeffMagnus node count: 4043 (1 new since August 31, 2000)
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JeffMagnus node of the day: God

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8:05 BST

The final day of preparation before we leave for the tradeshow. Therefore, today will be stressful, hectic and angry. I can only hope that I don't forget anything...

Mental Note: I can only try.

My Mother gave me a lift into work today. It felt as though I was 12 again, because she had The Cure playing on her CD player. She used to play the cure when she was ferrying me around (as Mother's seem doomed to do...)

Hello September! How are you this year? :-)

10:10 BST

Well! I am running around, getting my laptop sorted out and downloading software I'm going to need. It's strange that normally I can download software with my eyes closed, but if there's a goal or a specific target? I start faffing, panicking and forgetting what I need.

10:30 BST

Oh, poo. The laptop I've been given has NT server on it, and I don't know the password!

13:15 BST

OK, I admit it. I'm terrified!

I've never been to a tradeshow, I haven't flown since my leg operation (could the pressure affect my pins?), I dislike travelling, I'm travelling alone, What will I wear?, What if I get lost?, will I have enough money?, How will I get around?

---

More later...

15:41 EET

Sonera - Make Things Suck™
The net connections to Sonera were out for the entire workday. No E2, no IRC, no mail.. After spending 5 years online, I have clearly began to take the internet for granted. I felt so lonely and naked without all the porn.. um, information.

The boss has again been bitching about my working hours, and said they'd be enforcing a nazi schedule to my next contract. This time I told it straight to his face: if the "pay" (if you can even call it that) doesn't get any better, there's no way they'll get me to wake up hellishly early. Then again, if they really want their employees to be half-asleep at the office, so be it.
The above mentioned boss is always attacking me for stupid things. I have an IRC client running all the time - minimized for 90% of the day. To him, this means I'm doing nothing besides IRCing! Sheesh. His mere presence makes working here quite unpleasant. The new contracts should damn well be good, or it's adios to this crappy company.

All the crap I've taken at this slave labor camp has caused my mood to be nowhere near what it should be on a friday. Thankfully a good friend is coming over tonight. Maybe that will take my mind off the worries.

Oh, it's september already?
Well.. Where's the autumn then? The summer weathers still refuse to disappear. I guess all the other finns are ecstatic about this.

It is the first day of spring in Canberra, and I'm enjoying the rain outside.

Slow day. Met Arvind and Gemma at the Irish pub, ate good Thai, saw The Judas Kiss at the cinema.

Weekend is calling, and the voice is saying stay in bed.... drink plenty of coffee.... think slowly...

Thank you, s, for the gift.

Synopsis: A haze of guilt. Anxiety about death and endless possibilities.

Woke up today with the same stress and agitation I felt last night - sleep didn't help a bit. It was nice to hear from Natt, but I'm bothered by the thought of Samantha Pomeroy being utterly and completely missing, and by the fact that her parents haven't started to look for her yet, even though no one has heard a peep for almost two years. Sam was an oddie but I felt a strange connection with her - it would suck the biggest if she...I said yesterday that she's the kind of girl whose destiny is in several binliners, even though that was an accusation originally levelled at myself - Sam is younger than me, she looked up to me, and I feel as though I let her down by not warning her more sternly, or preventing her from going, or something.

Then this morning my mother told me about some protege of my aunt's, my age, who died last weekend when she was hit by a car while riding her bike.

So many dumb, strange ways to die.

I'm trying to get back in contact with people who have been dear in the past, start writing again, stop spending time with people who could care less about my well-being, but it's not simple when you have no sense of self outside of street-smarts. Also found out by email this morning that a girl I went to grade 7 and 8 with lives outside Kelowna with a husband and two kids.

So many weird, wonderful ways to live.

Work so unmentionably crap. Thinking, as I have done for the past fortnight, of nodes - How to hurt the Catholic Church more than It hurt you, the New Public Management, as well as an inspiration for a meta node to run past an editor. Need more books.

I'm tired, cranky, and ready to kill the next person that calls in to tell me that their e-mail is not working.

anm and his wife invited me to eat chineese at Szechuan's with them last night late. I went, and we had a really good time, but that meant that I had to stay up even later to get my house clean. Now, I am pissed and the whole world could disappear and I would not mind.

On the upside I do get a three day weekend here, so that'll be really nice to have.

Dear novalis: You're cute as hell, but if I click on any more intriguing random nodes and wind up with one of those damned Magic cards, I shall have to fling things at you. ( Why are all the best node titles Magic cards? )

---

It's raining, which is apparently unusual for this time of year in San Francisco. It's not helping me wake up at any rate. Joined in a casual carpool and spent the ride over talking with a very well-educated and well-spoken man from Zambia.

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My boyfriend gave his first official lecture yesterday. Rowr! Intelligence is sexy; combined with academia it's pretty irresistible. (Um, maybe it's just me.)

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My favorite relatively new noders include girlotron, Whywait? and Evil Catullus. Thank heavens for them (and whoever I'm forgetting), because the teenybopper factor has been getting to me laterly. ... OOO, I got downvoted already. Well, in that case, I'm going to let the teenyboppers have it. FIRST OFF, I don't give a damn how old you are. We have plenty of thoughtful teenage noders. The problem is the really, really teenage noders (and this includes a number of 20- and 30-year-olds). Do you really think we care how often you get drunk/stoned/laid? Do we really care how totally trashed you are? Maybe this impresses your little friends, but nobody with two brain cells to rub together finds this admirable in the least. Most of us have already experienced our period of self-indulgent, self-destructive stupidity and realized how lame it was, or were never that stupid in the first place. Those of us who do indulge ourselves on various ways mostly either keep it to ourselves or find a way to make it interesting. PEOPLE: A DESCRIPTION OF YOUR LATEST TRIP IS NOT INTERESTING! I read someone's acid trip on here the other day that was practically word-for-word the same as one I remember from some 1968 science fiction story. Nor is a description of your latest drunken mauling. It just makes you look like an idiotic child, and contributes nothing to Everything. So grow up and get a life.

Ahem. I'm better now. Honest.

---

20:05

OK, a damn busy day and I'm still feeling bad...

Anyway, cool stuff:

• Got MechWarrior 3. This game rocks. It really does.
• I downloaded the Wacom drivers. Now Win98SE boots a bit faster, but it's still damn slow. Downloaded the Sidewinder software but it still refuses to find my Sidewinder 3D Pro.
• Got Enigma's MCMXC a.d.... this thing rocks, too.

Microsoft's software naming is kind of odd. Now I don't know if I have downloaded joystick drivers or drivers for air-to-air missiles... Who knows, maybe MS just needed to aquire USAF in order to make Combat Flight Simulator. =)

The last CD is remarkable: The first CD I've bought due to Napsterizing, and the first CD I used CDDB/FreeDB with.

Note that it's not the first CD I've bought because of MP3 stuff: The first CD I bought because of music found from the net was U2's collection CD (Active Worlds had "New Year's Day" as the background music - as MIDI! - so I later got the MP3 via FTP sitez, and then later I got U2's record.) Hmmmmm... or did I get Metallica's Black Album before this one? Can't remember...

Oh, break: The appropriate Sonera joke isn't "Make Things Suck"; All you need to do is to translate "Make Things Click" as "Ja Jossain Klikkaa". =)

21:34

I'm using the CD-ROM drive headphone output thing first time in n+5 years. HDD is full of all sorts of unnecessary stuff (like ~1GB of MP3s and OGGs, so can't rip that CD yet...

Oh, why CD-ROM headphone connector? Well, turned CD volume up from mixer, but I still couldn't hear a thing... Strange hardware...

---

Other day logs o' mine...

Noded today: MCMXC A.D. Active Worlds FreeDB

Amen Byzantine!!

Life is really good!

I was late for gym and Howard reminded me that.....'class starts at 8:30 ! '
uh oh I thought.
'Still, he continued, there's always room for pretty girls! He cracks us all up !

I counted the number of sit ups the instructor had us do and it around the range of 260. We do them for about 7 minutes every class. I was sorry I counted them last week because it then became a bit overwhelming to start them and know how many I was going to be doing. Now the feeling has evolved to 'wow there was a time I couldn't even do one.' I watched Howard today and he did every single one of them! Amazing!

Tuesday

I was taking Number One Son home from work at the Universty of Arizona Library
hehe He says, 'It's the only building on campus that's not red brick.'
Anyway on the way home driving down 6th Ave. we experienced a Carlosian Sighting ! It may count as a Carlosian Encounter of the Third Kind as it seems to fit all the criteria. It was confirmed by Carlos that, though this is a rarity, indeed it was him. At any rate Number One Son is still wary of the Baron of Darkness and thus the idea for the The Guide to Field Indentifications of BaronCarlos just fell out of nowhere. Hopefully, it w