>>Semeiotic Chain Mail
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding
out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in
Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money
to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the
travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone
you send "his" email to $1000?
How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make
a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch
of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big F*CK YOU to all the
people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid
chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come
into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain
which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by
midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000,
it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous
streak of blatant stupidity.
Fuck them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nicke
from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't f*cking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own
unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
* (scroll down)
* Make a wish!!!
* No, really, go on and make one!!!
* Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
* Wish something else!!!
* Not that, you pervert!!
* Is your finger getting tired yet?
* STOP!!!!
* Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish:)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you
don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by
a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true!
Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes:
Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
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Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for
every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little
Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Oh, and remember, we have absolutley no way of counting the emails sent
and this is all a complete load of bullshit.
So go on, reach out.
Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
Thanks again!!
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Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass
this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will
happen to you like:
Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell
nasty, she died.
This Could Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley. Just send this letter to all
of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
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The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or
luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
If it's funny, send it on.
Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana
with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only
saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail,
otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right? Now forward this to everyone
you know otherwise you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning.
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