| I have the chinese symbol for cloud carved into my leg. I cut it with a razorblade, just deep enough so that it would scar, but not deep enough so that I would bleed too profusely. It is absolutely beautiful to me.
All of my scarifications and body mods mean something to me. I meditate for anything up to months on what they mean to me, what they symbolize, etc.
I love all of my body mods. I have many piercings, including tongue and clit, and a small self done tattoo on my leg. The scarifications I did myself, the cloud symbol on my leg, which is fading now, was my first. I cut it with the razor, felt the orgasmic rush of endorphins rushing through my brain as the blood trickled down my leg, rubbed it with vinegar (to help with scarring, this, as you can imagine, hurt like hell but in a really good way).
My second scarification means untold amounts to me. My girlfriend, who is also named Kelly, means absolutely everything in the world to me. I wanted to do something to show her how committed I feel to her- I want to be with her forever, and I wanted to do something permanent to show her this. At present, I am too broke to afford a tattoo, so a scarification or branding seemed to be the solution.
I played around with designs on paper, finally deciding to combine two k's, one forward and one backwards, to make a symbol which looks like a heart trapped between two lines. To me this symbolizes commitment, and when I have enough money I will get it tattooed. I also want a rainbow tattoo on the lower part of my back, to show my pride to be bisexual and in love.
The next consideration was: scarification or brand? I have a few self-done brands already, and as it is harder to be precise with brands, I decided on a scarification.
I made the decision to have it on my left hip, low down (covered by my underwear) as this way it is on my left side (the side of my heart) and also it will never be seen by anyone but her. I numbed the area with ice, to enable me to cut deeper, sterilised a new single edged razorblade in boiling water, cleared my mind, and began to cut over the design I had inked onto my hip.
The endorphin rush is incredible; as is the feeling that you are doing something truly beautiful for yourself. When I had cut the whole design and the blood was flowing freely, I went over it two more times, deepening it. I then left it for a while, returning to re-open it when it had stopped bleeding with a sterilised safety pin.
The next step was to rub the cut with hydrogen peroxide, to prevent infection, and finally vinegar, to aid scarring. This hurt, but was an amazing kind of pain.
Two days on, and it is looking good. I keep re-opening and irritating the cut, to ensure good scarring.
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