In college, one of my roommates had this friend, Tony. Tony was a frigging moron, and an asshole. What really pissed me off most about him was that my roommates used to listen to him like he was some kind of damned guru, as opposed to someone who graduated with a low C average, had an illegitimate child, and continuted to hang out in his college town getting drunk all the time. Also, whenever he came to our house he had three random hos with him (kind of like the wise men, except not at all wise, sans gifts, and hos). They were never the same three, and two of them were always ugly. The third one was usually the type of girl who could be pretty if you wiped three-sixteenths of an inch of makeup off her face, and about four years of skank off the rest of her. They were all inevitably idiots. (Why else would they be hanging out with Tony?) One night three particularly annoying hos were following him around, and they spent about twenty minutes standing in the kitchen talking to my roommate. They were very loud and aggravating, and I eventually retreated to the relative quiet of my room. Anyway, the next day when I came home from classes starving, I was looking forward to eating some, or perhaps all of my BBQ fritos. Yeah, I know it ain't no t-bone, but I'm poor. However, my fritos were nowhere to be found. I searched high and low, in every room of the house for them, but there was nothing, not even an empty bag. The day before the bag had been nearly full, and now it was gone. So, I queried all the roommates, in a quite aggressive manner, as I was extremely hungry at this point. The roommate in question said he didn't know anything about it, but a few minutes later came into the living room to tell me that he had seen "that fat chick who was here last night" eating something in the kitchen, and that she wouldn't tell him what it was. Great, some random ho has eaten my fritos. Devastated by the event, and inspired by my accidental rhyme, I wrote a poem about it:
Random Ho Ate My Food
Oh random ho!
What do you eat?
A frito?
Whose frito, random ho?
My frito?
MY FRITO?!
Oh no.
My frito.
Thank you.
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