Salvador spent his nights
playing in the beams of light while passing bars.
He stared at his reflection with ill-eased vanity
black hair and beautiful face and tanned skin-
he never wasted a moment of the night-
he'd given up on wondering why and knew that
even cheap sex was ten minutes of comfort
he wouldn't get anywhere else.
Careless and alive he paced the city streets
whistled songs from his head
Smiled at passers-by and hoped that just one might return the sentiment
and take him home for the night
touch him with calloused hands.
He hid his scars as he drifted
from signpost to signpost
as if he sailed from island to island.
Lounging beneath each one
staring cautiously into the night.
He was just a ghost in blue jeans and Obsession
He never bothered thinking about the facts
Pointlessness had become his answer.
And three times in the back of a stranger's car tonight
might be all it would take
to assure him of its absolute truth- it's absolute beauty-
it was all he believed in.
He might stumble out of that back seat
with his pants still undone
and his mind still buzzing with the smoke
and events of the night.
There was always something about
the feel of the gravel against the sweaty palm of his hand
that made him feel as if he was a piece of something eternal
Maybe it was the hard kisses on his neck
Or the bruising hands as they gripped his shoulder
Or his face,
Or the gritty sound of stone under his Reeboks as he ran home
to clean himself off
and curl up in bed
to laugh himself to tears...
cry himself to sleep
At night he'd sit up with his shirt off,
staring up at the cross above his bed.
He wondered if Jesus had ever
known the feel of stiff, sticky vinyl against his bare chest-
and doubted it.
In the back of his mind he knew
that Christ could have never lived his life,
had never been tempted by the same things...
He figured that it was back to the drawing board for God.
Maybe next time...
and it was out the door again...
Ghost with dark hair
Smiling wide as he looked into every face
wandering the streets
waiting by the phone
savoring the neon glow above and its reflection in the street
pressing his back against some dark brick wall and his hands in someone's hair
absolute beauty, absolute perfection, absolute faith.
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