| Get on the Picadilly Line and proceed to Holloway station.
When you exit the station you'll see a large tower block slightly to your right. Some way back in the seventies, clearly a concrete shoebox with windows was deemed a suitably inspiring building for a place of learning, the University of North London. Then someone decided that the library would clearly be more attractive as a huge mirrored thing, reflecting all the dirt and litter and cars and miserable people, in an almost 3D effect. Very nice indeed.
We won't bother with going right, there isn't anything up there except Islington, a place that is beyond your grasp now that you have entered Holloway.
Saunter to your left - you're going the right way if you walk past a Shell petrol station, possibly the only petrol station in Britain where they don't bat so much as an eyelid if you smoke whilst filling up your car with that well known flammable substance. All I can think of is that it's a plot to rid the area of the university building.
As you keep walking, gaze in wonder at the ultra-cheapo bag shops, the anything-for-a-pound emporiums, newsagents and greasy spoon 'caffs'. Should you be hungry, and tempted to sample some of their wares, I recommend the Titanic Cafe. They won't give you food poisoning - all the other ones will, trust me, I know - and do a very good veggie burger too.
Continue walking. You will see to your right an enormous building, which apparently used to be a cinema until Wetherspoons got their hands on it, and decided it would serve the community so much better as a pub, of which there are only about a billion on Holloway Road, but there is only one cinema, an overpriced Odeon that you would come to in about ten minutes if you carried on walking.
But back to the public houses - there are NO good ones, due to the sheer insanity of the people who drink in them. You won't get food poisoning - well you might, the health and safety standards are dubious - but you'll probably just get killed. One gentleman was beaten to death after politely requesting that two youths stop shining their laser pointer in his eyes. This part of Holloway Road is actually known locally as the 'Murder Mile'. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Trips off the tongue, Mmmmmmurrrder...
Excuse me, while I've been rambling on, you've got to the main junction, home to 'The Holloway' pub (of laser pointer murder fame), Argos and Waitrose supermarket. Oooooh. Contain your excitement and turn left, up Camden Road, which leads, unsurprisingly, to Camden Town, another much nicer place.
Keep going though, you have nearly finished...
On your left you will see da-da-DAAAAA!. Holloway Womens' Prison. To be frank, you expected more, didn't you? Big reels of barbed wire and snarling alsations, non? Nope, not here, we have a bland red-brick building, without so much as a fence. Puh-lease.
To your left, there is Hillmarton Road. Go down it. Look for flat 30b. Look! There it is! That's where I used to live, until I moved out, driven out by permanently broken heating and being burgled twice.
Keep walking round to your left, breathe a sigh of relief as you enter Caledonian Road tube station, and go back to the undoubtably greener pastures from whence you came...
I'm sure there are redeeming features to Holloway, it's just after two burglaries, one attempted mugging with a claw hammer as the weapon of choice, being threatened with a broken pint glass whilst working, continuous racial harrassment, and being charged an exorbitant sum to live there on top of it all, has blighted my personal view of Holloway somewhat.
I moved out quickly. Oh, and I left the university too..
To anyone I've offended/thinks I've missed something, feel free to add
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