One-legged man in an ass-kicking contest

(idea) by Jagermeister69 Fri Jan 21 2000 at 19:33:35
Usually preceded by "I felt like a..." or "He looked like a..."
That state of being characterized by a feeling of incurable unpreparedness or extreme misfortune. See: raining soup and I'm here with a fork or up $#!+ creek without a paddle.
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