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On reading letters that bitch about scantily-clad models on magazine covers
created by
Jet-Poop
(
person
) by
Jet-Poop
(6.5 hr)
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print
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Thu Aug 10 2000 at 4:55:53
Back in the days when I could afford to
subscribe
to "
Premiere
"
magazine
, I was often able to
predict
, before even opening the magazine, what at least one of the
letters to the editor
would be about: some
actress
who appeared on the
cover
of the mag in a
sexy
pose wearing
low-cut
/
tight
/
skin
-baring
clothing
. The tone of the
letter
often mixed
left-wing
feminist
rhetoric ("How dare you
objectify
Julia Roberts
!") with
right-wing fear of sex
("How dare you show
Salma Hayek
's
cleavage
!"), while missing the
obvious
point that, if they wanted to see
Sandra Bullock
wearing something properly
zip
ped up to the chin, they should've been reading "
Good Housekeeping
".
Of course, whenever some
shirtless hunk
appeared on the
cover
, the
letters column
was filled to the rim with "
Oh God! Brad Pitt! Wearing a thong! Ohhh GOD! Mmm! Unh! Oh, YES! Oh JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YES!
"
Sometimes someone would even
read the articles
and
comment
on them, too. Boy,
that
was a
red letter day
...
printable version
chaos
If someone asks you if you're a god, you say, "Yes!"
Why oh why did the black crayon always die first?
Alternatives to "Oh Shit!" when visiting the Great Aunts
I'm the most off-beat genius you ever knew; I'm so iconoclastic I'm clastic
You're dripping liquid sex into my Cherry Coke
Britney Spears
Premiere
A rambling letter to the girl I met years ago
Women are turned on verbally, men are turned on visually
Premiere Magazine
Salma Hayek
EuroMillions
cleavage
Letters I've written, never meaning to send
Ob/gyn
Oh, that it were so simple. That I could just utter those words.
Sandra Bullock
Noder's Block
scantily clad
Julia Roberts
So why talk about politics now
No one says anything important during the day
Fear of sex is the power of rape
three letter acronym
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