I wonder why.
Remeron is kicking my ass. Officially. Thoroughly. Irrevocably. I slept 18 hours last... can't quite say "night", now can I?
Zyprexa, paxil, zoloft, wellbutrin -- several varying doses, luvox, and now a combo of this and xanax for emergencies (as needed). I fully expect my next medication to be named Cenobyte.
I dreamed that I was a young man, and I had a young girlfriend and lived with another young man and his girlfriend. My gf was irritated at me for not doing the laundry, and I was attempting to mollify her with extended conversation... her birthday was in February. "I always thought it was kind of sexy to have a birthday in February." I'm pretty slick, in dreams.
Woke up today and spent the next five hours begging my boyfriend to reassure me that I was, in fact, awake.
Quite possibly I am not, despite his reassurances, and I am noding in my sleep. I beseech the gods to add a coda to the Everything FAQ: do not node while asleep.
Maybe I ought to have made this a dream log.
D'oh.
I love you. Don't stay up too late.
We remember.
November 4th, 1995
Itzhak Rabin (1922 - 1995)
Did you forget?
There is the possibility of a hurricane hitting us here in Southern Florida. I didn't even know the storm was a hurricane, untill yesterday, when a good friend of mine called me (he lives 2000 miles away) and asked about it. He informed me that it was/is a catagory 4, which is a big storm! People are frantically running to Publix to buy water, canned goods, and batteries. The public gets so frantic over these storms. Its great to people watch as they push in line, get pissy, and scream and yell at each other.
My boyfriend "Fred" comes home Tuesday afternoon from his vacation. Eventhough we have only been dating about 2 months, I miss him more then I could imagine. It seems everything reminds me of him - a song on the radio, a tee-shirt he would wear, and I am even starting to see him when other people walk by! Love does some strange things to you, things I could never even attempt to understand.
Tuesday I am going to Orlando to go to Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios. I have 2 extra tickets I won right after I bought my tickets the last time I went. I never ever ever win ANYTHING, but I win tickets. Go figure. They expire at the end of this month, and I don't want them to go to waste. Hopefully, there won't be anything strange happening, like bomb threats or hurricanes!
I still do not know how to manage the thermostat. Last night I slept in the living room because I am afraid of the dark. I watched The Gods Must Be Crazy, and I agreed that love cannot come so easily. Silly as it is, I cannot seem to let myself deserve a day and a night without having to do anything (yet I did do things: bought gas, got the paper, bought groceries, got my nails done). I scanned the classifieds and there are no jobs. Nothing I can do on the side for extra money. Mike gave me two canisters of tea bags which are round and tagless, and I can't stop drinking them. I don't have the time to think about all the things I didn't do five years ago; I can only think about all the things I haven't done this week.
Talked to Jake last night, who is divorcing an old college friend of mine. He sounds just like my brother, and I love him for it, for being so level headed. He tells me KC went through 3 bottles of Southern Comfort in a week, hopes it's just a phase. Her mother called from New York, tried to talk him into staying with KC, mentioning a trust fund. I can't imagine. He called me so he could smoke outside and continue our online conversation. I could hear little Zoe giving him play doctor shots and Henry prepping for a bath. He plays in a band, and apparently, he learned, when bikers like you, they rev their engines. One guy road through a hall where a fireman's benefit was being held (a gig Jake was playing at) on his motorcycle, drove it onstage where the band was and revved his engine.
Today I have to get Sheri's vacuum back to her; I've had it for a week now. I don't own a vacuum; when we were next door neighbors we shared hers. I don't have a microwave. Frying things to heat them up is so silly. I made jambalaya and had to fry the leftovers. I watched SNL last night and it wasn't funny. It doesn't give me much hope for humor. Steve Martin has a new book out that I'd like to read.
One guy called me yesterday, waking me from an afternoon nap. The caller ID said Domino Sugar. He said he was paged with this number, and I said he was wrong. He asked my name and I told him it was Laura. He asked if I was black or white and I told him I was not talking any further with a total stranger. He asked, "You actin' like I'm some sort of criminal er sumpthin'" and what I thought was you made that assumption, not me but all I thought to say was "No, I just don't know you." He asked my last name and I told him that this conversation was over.
I watched this show calle Cheaters last night; it comes on around midnight. It's like Cops and The Real World rolled together. People who suspect their lovers/spouses are cheating can hire this team to spy on them, then confront them on TV if they're guilty. One man was a 60 something truck driver and his 4o something girlfriend was having men coming in and out of the hotel room they were living in all hours of the night. They even got a camera in the room to catch her fucking another guy. She looked like she was on drugs. He walked in on her at the hotel with a guy. Busted. Cold. Another guy was caught in the park laying under a blanket with a woman in broad daylight by his common law wife. They always seem to be bottom barrel, lower class people. I'd like to see more white bread people getting busted in such a cheesy way.
Almost every mix tape I send out has the song De Cara A La Pared (Face to the Wall) by Lhasa on it. Here are the lyrics in English (the song is sung in Spanish):
Crying Face to the wall The city goes dark
Crying And there's nothing else I'm dying, maybe Where are you?
Dreaming Face to the wall The city burns
Dreaming Without breathing I want to love you I want to love you
Praying Face to the wall The city drowns
Praying Santa Maria Santa Maria Santa Maria
In addition to that, I must add that I steadfastly ate the entire bag, without spitting any of them out, though I also acquired one black pepper, two horseradish, and one grass. Not to mention those five fucking SARDINES. As far as I could tell I did not end up sampling the booger flavor. Lucky me. (Can't say I'm looking forward to the day when the packs begin to include dirt flavor, mustard flavor, and vomit flavor.)
I just found out that on Wednesday a customer at my bookstore complained about me. Well, complained about me and my co-worker Angie, actually. She didn't complain TO either of us; she went right to the manager. Our offense? Rudeness? No. Inability to properly help? No. Ahh, you see, our horrid offense was dressing like witches. On Halloween.
My manager Mary said that if she had been the one to take the complaint, she would have told the customer we really were witches. (I'm a plain old Pagan, and I do practice witchcraft, while Angie is Wiccan.) If only the customer hadn't complained to Matthew. ::sigh::
So, this bothers me. More than it should. It bothers me because this customer is so offended at the thought of us pretending to be witches that she probably even further abhors the thought of people who don't consider "witch" an insult or a term of evil. And I hate it when I come into contact with reminders that there really are people who at the mention of my religion immediately associate it with Satan and evil. I shouldn't be surprised, I'm really not surprised honestly, but sometimes I just get a little too comfortable with myself and I forget for a while that because of my beliefs I definitely am a minority, one with a stigma attached to it that won't detach for a very long time.
So, people are jerks. I know this, and I live with it every day. But it still shocks me, because so much of the inconsideration and rudeness I deal with every day are along lines that I would never think about crossing. Take for instance the woman whom I helped in the kids' section for upwards of five minutes. I pointed out several books that would fit her needs, and she rewarded me by removing these books from their places, reading them, messing up one of their covers, and throwing all of them horizontally on top of a nicely-organized vertical arrangement of books. Also take for instance the woman who asked me to put on a movie for her child so she could study without having to be "bothered" keeping her out of mischief; the strategy didn't work, and the kid screwed up a large display of Clifford merchandise. (The mother left the mess without attempting to get her daughter to clean it up, and as a bonus she left her coffee cup and lipstick-smeared napkin on the table, along with the books she'd taken from other sections to use to aid her studies as if we were running a library.) These rude people are the types that don't buy anything anyway, so I wonder why they think they're entitled to acting the way they do? I've come to the conclusion that they don't think they're entitled. They don't think at all. I wonder when people stopped caring--in some old Mom & Pop store, the customers and the store owners knew each other, so neither would make trouble for each other. Now, since the customers don't personally know the person that is going to clean up their messes, they seem to feel justified in leaving them. Even before I worked in retail, I was a damn considerate customer. Grr.
Rant ends.
I'm talking to my boyfriend about my last node. Its a poem one of my teachers at college wrote. Its getting down voted, he thinks its probably boys who got insulted. Its not about all men, or even men in general. This was his reply:
I know, but you have to look at some things from a male standpoint. Most guys who have to listen to women talk about how oppressive men are, are men who haven't oppressed women. It's hard having to hear it all the time.
I think women are much more mentally oppressive (this is in general. There are always exceptions.) I've never had boys play mind games with me, and I always do that to them... Not on purpose, just because I don't think about it. His reply to that was:
It's tough being told you're evil because you're part of an oppressive gender
I feel bad for boys sometimes. I mean, physically, perhaps, they have it easier. I was talking about this to boy this morning, how I'm glad I am a girl. He had a scar on his arm because he and his friend got drunk and thought it would be funny to burn each other or something.
You'd think by now things would be evened out, after years and years of evolution. But, I guess they never will be.
no. i didn't. i didn't throw a huge party, and leave glass everywhere. not this weekend, and not in august. no. i didn't. i didn't run over your puppy, because i don't dirve. i don't own a car. no. i didn't. i have never had a subsription to business week, and i am not paying $37.95 for a magazine i've never read. no. for fucksake, man, no! i did not, and will not cheat on niall with cowcrusher, or with a templar, or with anyone else!
sorry, it's been a long fucking day, and there's still another eight hours to go. i have to clean my house, i have to answer to someone who doesn't even live here about what i've been doing with my time, and why the house isn't clean, and whether i've done my homework, and how it's not fair that i'm always sick when he wants something. bottom line? i'm always sick. it's just that sometimes i'm less sick. gripe, gripe, bitch, whine...
enough shit. at least i went out with my mom today. she's going to buy a house. i am most excited at this prospect. my mom should have a house, dammit. she's 48 years old, and that's old enough not to share an overpriced apartment with a crummy boyfriend who can't pick up after himself. i told her she should get rid of him *years* ago, but hey, she learned, and now she's leaving. i think i'll set her up with some hot heavy weapons fighter. mom digs rippling muscles. that and she needs some new friends-- people who don't suck, and are not having midlife crisies. i hope she gets the house. it'll do her good.
anywhoo, back to eating rice and cleaning the house. maybe i'll actually accomplish something today.
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