This morning I purposely did not use the vanilla shampoo so I would not be reminded of him all day, the smell of his candles, his room. Nice try, but I forgot the sachet in my underwear drawer that has made my bra reek of vanilla. It's a reassuring scent, which is pissing me off because why should I be reassured by a remembered thought? Especially this remembered thought, I don't know, I don't know. The ladybugs are back, doesn't make any sense. It's still cold out. I have eleven of them in a plastic bottle.