I think that the reason why
motorists don't like
cyclists is that we're like
pedestrians who walk on the road; we're
slow and unpredictable, we hold up
traffic, and you're not allowed to
run over us. The problem is when the
escalation of annoyance gets out of hand, and you motorists take things too far, lowering yourselves to petty
vandalism; you deflate our tyres, undo the quick-releases on our wheels, cut our seats, and otherwise
fuck our bikes up. We can't help being annoying; all we ever wanted to do was get from place to place, without spending money on
petrol or getting on smelly
public transport; just like you. Is being a
cheap bastard and disliking sticky bus seats such a crime?
That's enough of your jibber-jabber, foo'!
Anyway...
"Nobody Likes A Cyclist", sung to the tune of Area 7's "Nobody Likes A Bogan":
Well you can see him on his bike as he rides to work,
With his worn-out joggers and his sweaty shirt.
In his backpack he keeps a set of Allen Keys,
When the winter arrives he will damn-near freeze.
When it's raining, the wheels splash onto his arse,
But at least he can dodge between the backed-up cars.
On a hot summer day he doesn't need air-con,
With his dicky sunglasses and his bike pants on.
But don't victimize him for his way of life,
He's sick and tired of hearing people say...
Nobody likes, nobody likes, nobody likes a cyclist.
Nobody likes, nobody likes, nobody likes a cyclist.
His legs are lookin' good from all the uphill climbs,
but he feels like the drivers want him dead sometimes.
He doesn't give a damn about the price of fuel,
He only cares if the girls think his bike looks cool.
On a Saturday night he's speeding through the dirt,
And he's feeling really safe with his reflective shirt.
When he's pedalled to the party all his friends can tell,
Because his hair's shaped like his helmet and he sort-of smells.
But don't victimize him for his way of life,
He's sick and tired of hearing people say...
Nobody likes, nobody likes, nobody likes a cyclist.
Nobody likes, nobody likes, nobody likes a cyclist.
Nobody likes, nobody likes, nobody likes a cyclist.
Nobody likes, nobody likes, nobody likes a cyclist.
(repeat until fade-out).