Nine Inch Will Please a Lady

"Come rede me, dame, come tell me, dame,
"My dame come tell me truly,
"What length o' graith, when weel ca'd hame,
"Will sair a woman duly?"
The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready -
I learn'd a sang in Annandale,
Nine inch will please a lady.

But for a koontrie cunt like mine,
In sooth we're nae sae gentle;
We'll tak tway thumb-bread to the nine,
And that's a sonsy pintle:
O Leeze me on my charlie lad,
I'll ne'er forget my Charlie!
Tway roarin handfu's and a daud,
He nidge't it in fu' rarely.

But weary fa' the laithron doup,
And may it ne'er be thrivin!
It's no the length that maks me loup,
But it's the double drivin.
Come nidge me, Tam, come nudge me, Tam,
Come nidge me o'er the nyvel!
Come lowse and lug your battering ram,
And thrash him at the gyvel!