Natural Light is the greatest beer ever. This is a beer with
no negative qualities. It is cheap: you can get a case of 24 for
$7 from a Pennsylvanian beer distributor if you do your
research.
Natural Light (a.k.a. Nattie Light) is produced in St.
Louis, Missouri by the factories of Anheuser Busch, that rival
in wonder and pure imagination the factories of Willy Wonka
himself. Nattie Light is a fantastic brew. Its yellowish color
is the exact and perfect yellow as specified by the
Royal Canadian Ministry of Spectrometry.
It provides the perfect pour.
Natural Light's classic blue and slate countenance is
recognized in over 76 countries and has been voted the
Most Bingeable Beer of Show by eight consecutive
meetings of the Munich Beer Diet. Nattie Light is the
essential beer for any player of beer drinking games because of
its simple yet elegant nose and nearly regal body.
Because of its magical ingredients (some believe it to
contain pure liquid gold) Nattie Light is in fact
skunk-proof... if you follow the rules. (To skunk a beer is to
ice the beer, warm the beer, then proceed to ice the beer
again). Skunking of Nattie results in a drinkable isotope of
increasingly splendid complexity as long as you drink the beer
on even skunkings:
- Once skunked Nattie: Undrinkable... the Nattie is
inbetween drinkable states of skunkability.
- Twice: Almost exact to its Zero Skunked cousin, but with
a slight raspberry flavor that seems to come from
nothing.
- Thrice: Undrinkable... if you are brave enough to open
such a can you will be met with a rancid waft.
- Four times: Pleasurable and warm. Four times skunked
Nattie Light is the pride of Bohemia.
- Five times: Undrinkable... dangerous and cancerous with a
hint of goat.
- Six times: Smooth, with a Germanic body and the
courageous after taste of Mediterranean spice.
This continues until ten times skunked Nattie, where all
afterwards are undrinkable. However, research suggests an island
of stability may exist after fifty-eight skunks. This is the
holy grail of Nattie Lightists, and has yet to be attained with
current refrigeration technology.
All Natural Light bubbles are the same size and are perfect
spheres.
P. Diddy is a closet Nattie Light drinker, as is Laura
Bush.
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