I've watched myself over the past month. About 20 days ago, I came home from spending my birthday in New York and DC. Since then I have avoided any real contact with anyone. I don't know why.

I seem to do this every year or so, for a month to six months. I don't answer the phone, I avoid seeing any of my friends. I just spend time with myself. I am perfectly happy with it, those who know and love me realize this is just one of my "phases", but it isn't fair to them. They don't understand, and shouldn't have to.

I don't understand why I do this. I can do the social butterfly thing, but I don't enjoy it one bit. I think part of the reason is because there is some really unhappy stuff in my life. I am just too tired to smile and pretend it is ok, but I don't want to bring others down. So I just avoid them, instead of lying about my well-being.