Misled by things I refuse to see

(idea) by lillianvalencia (7.5 mon) (print) ? I like it! Sat Nov 04 2000 at 7:37:52

By my own sheer will to ignore it, I have lost you. I have grown to hate you for putting me through this, and at the same time, no matter what you do, I cannot fully stop feeling for you the way I do. Bitter? I'm not bitter. I know you were seeing her at first, quite possibly even the whole time. I know the past ten months have been one lie after another. I know you fill me with the desire to go sit in a full bathtub with a razor and some aspirin.

At least I told you when I was dating someone else. At least I've been nothing but honest with you. At least I tore out the piece of you inside me so that you could continue leading your comfortable life. What's wrong with me? HONESTLY? Look at me this very instant, and tell me everything you don't like about me. Tell me I'm a bitch. Tell me that I'm stupid. Tell me that you could care fucking less about me, and that you'll never ever change your mind. Just TELL ME.

Why do you have to lie to me? Why do you need to hurt me like this? Is this a game to you? Some weird fantasy? You know I'm wrapped around your little finger... why can't you just open your mouth, and for once tell me something truthful? For once, tell me that you hate me? That you love her? That I'm naive and stupid and letting you walk all over me? Why do you have to lead me on like this, pretend like nothing's wrong? Why do I hate you so much? Why do you... look at me like that... the small spark of desire flashing in the corner of your eye? Why... after all this... am I falling back into you?

printable version
chaos

If I didn't ask, I'd never know (how much you hate me)	nervous breakdown	It's better to have loved and lost	Heraclitus' River
love/hate relationship	November 7, 2001	mentally ill	Fascism and Oppression - Know the Signs!
Meal, ready to eat	mouth	Bitter	Placid

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