12:00PM
Unsuccessfully writing some PHP. Nate picks up phone; Darcy is calling us so we can wish her a happy birthday. She's home in Marina, after passing out at one of her 4 jobs and going to the hospital. Wants to catch a movie later on 6:30 - 7:00ish. I'm plotting excuses to not go.
6:48PM
Woops, we forgot to call her. Nate calls her: "Ohh, I've got a paper to write tonight, want to ask Mike?" (WHAT!?!?!!) Me: "No one to hang out with on your birthday??" Me: "Uh, sure, I can hang out later"(WHAT!?!?!!)She asked me to come over to watch Clue. I'm an ass for this. Not only am I dissing Santa Cruz friends, I'm dissing them for DARCY!!!
7:37PM
Knock knock...Me: "Hi" How in God's name was I ever attracted to you? Me: "Happy Birthday" Why do you dress like a colorblind Backstreet Boy?! Me:"Dry, sarcastic comments. giving off keep-your-hands-off-me! body language.]" For the first five minutes, I was on my toes, expecting her to pull out some blunt object and whack me over the head. Conditioned response. Clue turned out to be Quills; my ears suck. Good flick, anyway.
10:30PM
Head over to Monterrey to go to bars w/Nate. For some reason we are laughing and having a good time. She tells me she missed me and pecks me a kiss. We're blasting Dark Tranquillity. It was a moment. A stupid lie of a moment.
10:45PM
Arrive at Nate's...Jennifer is coming too. Cool. At that point I thought having Jennifer & Nate along would be like heading into a gunfight with double backup.
11:00PM
Got to the Mucky Duck, a really cool pub meets ski-lodge meets meat market. It was empty on a Wed. night. Bartender made Darcy a Brain Hemorrhage. Jennifer and I bet on how long it would take before Darcy puked or passed out. I said 47 minutes. Jennifer graciously gave her 52.
11:10PM
Darcy complained for 10 minutes that she would not tolerate the lactose in the Bailey's portion of the drink. This was greeted with "Juuust driiink IT!"'s from the three of us. After three sips, she was done with the woosy mixed drink. Everything's cool, having fun, beginning of a fun night...
11:12PM
Tick
11:14PM
Tock
11:16PM
11:18PM
11:20PM
This is when Darcy gets lame.I don't know if I mentioned this, but Darcy's only gotten drunk a few times. It's usually ugly; check this out: "IwasgoingtotellyousomethinglaterbecauseImissedyouandmaybe. something.could.have.happened.between.us.but since you're not being nice to me furget it." Me: WTF? She's right though. People can read my emotions crystal clear. She makes my stomach curdle, and being nice for her birthday just wasn't going to work. Did she expect me to beg her to take me back?
11:25PM
Darcy downs a Hawaiian Punch and walks out of the bar to go see some ex-something or other from Brittania Arms. This is someone she desperately avoided when we were going out. Nate says: "You know, it's sort of bad bar etiquette to walk out on your friends when they haven't finished their drinks." Jennifer says: "What a dork." I say: "whatever" out loud. Inside, I'm mentally cutting her to pieces.
11:35PM
Nate: "We should probably find her."
11:45PM
We leave the bar to find her. We ask the boucer at Brittania Arms if he's seen (description of Darcy) anywhere. Bouncer: "Psh, I don't remember." Jennifer: "Orange pants, Monkey backpa--" Bouncer: "OHH her! She went down to Viva."
11:47PM
We meet up with her walking alone on the sidewalk. She's begun giving me the cold shoulder. Ha. Girl, I was giving the cold shoulder years before you were dressing like a clown! We walk back to Viva; Jennifer sees a person she REALLY REALLY did not want to see, but we go in anyway. We get drinks.
12:00AM
Ok, birthday's over, let's get out. Jennifer goes to talk to Sean, the guy she's avoiding. Darcy is flirting with unsuspecting surfers. Ignoring Nate, Jennifer also now. Loud, obnoxious brat. Became more and more clear why I never wanted to see her ever again. Nate: "I feel like an add-on."
12:15AM
Chug a beer, and go outside to smoke with Nate and Jennifer. Cigarettes make me nauseous. I vehemently drag on them.
12:30AM-ish
Jennifer/Nate ask me how I feel. How many friends do that for you!? I'm learning the difference between people who have respect for you, and those who beg for your attention. I'm pissed and I vent. About Darcy, and other stuff.
12:45AM-ish
Surprise, Darcy is still acting like an ass. We're bored with it and tell her we're going to another bar. Well, they told her. I decided to keep walking.
1-ish?
We make it to the London Bridge. I'm wanting to get sloshed. Simultaneously pissed for ever having wasted time on such a miserable piece of trash. We drank some drinks, talked and appreciated each other's company. Jay, the bartender is playing the "Best of..." Blur cd, so that was great...
2-ish?
We walk home, pop in some good music. Nate and Jennifer go outside for a smoke, and I pass out with the cat on the couch.
Cat steps on my head...Ow...I wake up...too early.
8:37AM
Wake up...Crap, Work! Look around. Hey, Darcy never came home! Oh, wait, there's the stuffed animal backpack. (For some reason, I thought of getting vengeance on Darcy by putting Willa, the cat in her monkey backpack. Then I chuckled, as it would have been more cute than mean.) Wait, she's in Nate's bed?! Nate!?!? whatever. Get up, get some water. I see Nate in Jennifer's bed...OH, ok...Darcy's mom calls. Everyone wakes up. Nate offers food. I bid farewell to my friends. Ignore Darcy without looking back.
9:30AM
Arrive at work without shower, same clothes. Eamon called me "hippie." I'm wearing the t-shirt I let her borrow, and had been trying to avoid ever wearing again.
Debated writing her an email telling her I will never talk to her again. That her bullshit overshadows any other worthwhile quality found in a person I would consider a friend. Blahblahblah, go fuck yourself.
Perhaps that's exactly what she wants. I'll just never talk to her again.
Today, I've gone straight from lazily lying in the arms of one and kissing him goodbye to sitting on another's lap, accepting his kisses, telling him not to tell me he loves me.
a treacherous mouth,
The first day with Brian, he had me pick a tarot card. The experience and strength of the queen of swords, inverted, makes for a destructive force. We laughed it off.
eating without asking if I'm hungry.
In some cultures, it is impolite to refuse what you're offered. I don't need either of these men. I like them, I love them. I don't tire of kissing them - I tire of the repercussions.
Frozen fingers at the keyboard! Must put a sweater on.
Gemma and the dogs and I will drive up to Sydney tomorrow to return all the hardware to head office, and to clear out my desk. It's a three hour drive, good roads all the way, so it should be kind of fun. Hell I miss having the internet when I'm in a motor car though!
My best friend is shaving his head today, for charity. He's infamous for his long curly hair (hasn't been cut for over a decade..), so it's quite a big event. He's streaming the event over the web, at 4pm AEST (05:00 server time) at http://www.realware.com.au/shave (WMP only.. yeah, yeah, I told him he's part of the problem, not part of the solution...)
What is funny is that a VP of another department had a very interesting talk with me, and asked me what was going on...(he had heard about my boss's fiasco). He strongly encouraged me to not bury any frustrations.
Meanwhile, it was a great team meeting. One guy brought chocolates back from Israel, they were quite tasty.
Bring on the weekend! TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!
failed adventures in napping
Honestly, it feels weird to me to even say (type?) those words. No more high school. Of course, I've still got to go tomorrow for our Senior Talent Show, and I'll have to show up to tie up a few loose ends. And the actual ceremonies related to graduation.
But today was the last time I will have to spend a day in High School. In a lot of ways, it feels absolutely great. Like a massive weight lifted from my shoulders. All of the work, all of the annoying things about attending a Catholic High School, ever. No more wearing uniforms, although technically that ended a couple weeks ago. No more having to wake up in time to get to school at 7:45. No more dumb religion classes. And hopefully, far fewer angry nuns yelling at me.
However, I still can't put aside some feelings of sadness. Sure, many of my friends will be at the college I'm going to (TCU) or nearby colleges. But many will not. People who I've known since pre-school are suddenly not going to be a part of my life, at least not nearly as big a part as they used to be. Many of the people who I've only gotten to know this year are soon going to be suddenly snatched out of my life almost as quickly as they were thrust in to it. That really terrifies me.
But time marches on, regardless of whether or not I want it to.
Seeing as this is a daylog, here's a quick rundown of my last day at school:
7:30 am
Small lawnchair party in the parking lot. Quite a few people seem to be stoned. Lots of cereal around, and some various breakfast pastries. Everyone's just hanging out, talking, taking pictures of everyone else.
8:00 am
Go in to school. Quickly grab some breakfast in the commons, then run in to begin my Calculus AP test. What a way to begin a day.
About 10:20 am
While working on some of the free-response questions on the test, I adjust my glasses. This usually routine action somehow results in my glasses breaking. Both lenses are still together, but it's all balancing on my nose and one ear. Not the best situation for test taking. After the section is completed, I tape them back together and carry on.
12:05 pm
Test is finally over. My friend and I walk over to our government class, to try and find out how we did on the previous day's test and whether or not we will be exempt from the final. Unfortunately, our regular teacher is still feeling bad from her latest round of chemotherapy, and the sub doesn't know. Hopefully I'll be able to find out tomorrow.
12:20 pm
The final lunch at high school. Unsurprisingly, every single teacher who doesn't have a class is in the Commons today, to prevent us from having a gigantic food fight. I don't understand why they don't let us have lunch outside, and not worry if we have a food fight. No one's gonna get hurt.
2:53 pm
Prayer comes on over the intercom. For the senior class, our last day of high school has ended. Loud shouts of cheer fill the hallways. Everyone hugs just about everyone else. Everyone talks for a while, then eventually head out; most of us home, some of us to rehearsal for the Senior Talent Show tomorrow.
Had fourteen hours on my feet and in my head to think about everything that's happened over the last few days. Over the last few months. Over the last coupla years.
I would allow all three of you to play martyr if it were not for the positions you have placed me. I have let it slide and kept my mouth shut in some places and raised hell in others. Go ahead and set me aside if it pleases you. C'mon, it's not that hard.
But let me tell you each something before you go....
To the Emporer-
I love it, our friendship. But you're so dedicated to calling me 'friend', when there was room for something else. So I played along.....you ruffle someone else's hair, I take it as my cue to make myself look busy. Eye in the Sky and all, I wouldn't want you to do anything illegal. So concerned with getting your feelings hurt, you weren't looking when you trampled my toes. I hope we can get beyond this too, I honestly do. But where I didn't set perameters, you apparently did. Bottom line, you don't hide 'friends', no matter their value. Be right, if you like, but this would be the first time I could sincerely call you not fair.
To the King of Cups
I played house with you until some sweet young thang of any description came into view. Yes, I know we're twins, separated by four years and a lot of morals. You chasing skirts, me trying to make sense of the Great Bleak North. Now you call, dozens of times, warning me not to replace you. Replace you? Would one not have to be in this place in order for them to be moved or removed? Survey says yes. Another case of hiding 'friends', but on a much darker level. Don't tell me to just date girls, and easily switch me off for some of your own. Never yours, never what? Goddess forbid you really value now what you took for granted and possibly were even embarassed by to begin with.....
To the Seven of Swords
Poor you, the ultimate martyr. 'Cause see, this is all my fault, right? Everything turning to shit was all my idea, because I'm that twisted a person. Don't step in that puddle of sarcasm on the floor.....you might get stuck. Words escape me besides the fact that the ties are very severed. It's a light airy laugh or sigh that escapes me when you're brought up in conversation. Forgive me for wanting more than scraps and metric-shit-tons of lies for myself. Occasionally I do have standards, surprise, surprise. But everything's working itself out. You could have told me you weren't ready, you know. You also could have asked me to beat the shit out of you, I would have readily complied. But those are 'Ifs', 'Buts', and 'I wishes', and they don't amount to a hill of beans. You're in a better place, and I wish you the greatest of luck. Now, that doesn't sound so crazy, does it?
Built a treefort an a few barricades.....
I don't think I'm any better than any of you. That's not the deal at all. What I am pointing out is, it was a rare occasion whn you saw me on your levels. This is just to let you know I realize you thought you could stick me in boxes for safe keeping, left-overs to consume at a later time......and I got burned by all of you, that I will easily admiit. All's forgiven, but get off your high horses, for crissakes.
But as for boxes......I'm afraid I have other ideas.
Nothing much to report as far as the happenings of my day. Most of the morning and afternoon was gobbled up by paperwork and running around to various piddly meetings that really serve no purpose. After a dinner of horrid salad, I did a bit more paperwork before heading to the pool for a swim. This has quickly become a very enjoyable activity as I get wound a little tighter each time something gets added to the heap of things I need to do. As I was swimming tonight I found myself going a bit faster with each lap, just a bit more with each flip-turn until I was sprinting. I was a competitive swimmer for ten years, and stopped four years ago to concentrate on my studies. As I moved through the water I could feel it coming back to me: the burning in the arms and lungs, the rush of adrenaline, the feel of water leaking into my sinuses. I gradually realized that I was enjoying this. Needless to say I'm horribly out of shape, and was panting when I was finished. Still, it was fun.
So now I'm sitting here, breathing in microscopic bits of charcoal and cow and sweet Texas-style sauce. From my speakers is softly blasting a mix cd Beautiful Girl made me which hasn't left my stereo since I received it a couple days ago. Among the great songs on this little gem are Wall of Voodoo's Mexican Radio and Bracket's great cover of Tommy Toutone's Jenny, which urges me to endlessly repeat 867-5309 in my sleep each night. Along with the cd I also received a tin of Penguins (glorious little things), a chocolate key lime, and some pictures from our road trip together.
The barbecue people are catcalling and screaming for no particular reason. I'm feeling a little ill even though the air has cleared a bit. A half an hour ago I fell into a snack food cascade reaction and ate handful after handful of wasabi peas, relishing the characteristic burn. These damn things have risen to my very short list of preferred snack foods. They do a number on my stomach, though.
I think it's starting to rain. My head is clearing.
You are gone, gone.
My world is broken into two parts. One wants to go with you on your hitchhike through the Galaxy. The other is stuck in the dimension you created here on Earth.
You were the one that changed my Life, my Universe, Everything.
You have ripped my towel apart, and I will never be able to mend it. A part of it is gone with you on a journey that will never end. A journey that you started inside your head, and touched so many people, including me.
But now you are gone on your way, finding your true meaning of life. And I'm alone trying to find mine.
The world is filled with copies of your thought and idea. Original thinking died a bit when you started your space trip.
There is nothing left but the fish that you gave us. So long, and thanks for all the fish. I will never forget 42, never.
Thank you Douglas Adams, thank you.
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