I didn't think that the front seat of a truck would be where we would have our last conversation, but that's how things go. I also know that you can't really hear what I'm saying as your hearing is mostly gone and your vision is shot too. The last few months you have naivigated around the house by memory and sense of smell. A lot of mornings now I hear you whining to come let you out and we both are embarassed when I don't come soon enough. That's over now.
I am grateful for all of these 15 years. I know it's longer for you, but I tried not to count. There have been many times you have listened to me when I had nothing meaningful to say and lots of nights I have let you sleep on the end of a bed for no reason at all. It's what friends do, and I don't regret a moment.
The good news is this. This is the last trip to the Vet for us both, and the last time I have to ask myself if more pain for you is worth less pain for me. That is behind me now; behind us both.
I know there are lush green pastures in front of you, and trees big enough for shade on the hottest days. Take care old friend. Run free.
The warm spring weather, so different from my last protest encouraged a turnout and the intersection was dotted with hundreds of little golden flames. Someone gave me a light, and cup to catch the wax, then I walked along hoping to find someone I knew.
Music is common at such rallies. Usually there is someone strumming a guitar and plinking out Country Joe and the Fish, Phil Ochs or some other protest music. There was and I walked onward looking for friends.
I came upon a slight man standing upon a wall, playing the violin. He was playing Brahms and playing it beautifully. I soon recognized him as Charles Weatherbee the concertmaster of the Columbus Symphony Orchestra. I abandoned my search for friends and planted myself and my candle right there.
The violin is an instrument capable of extraordinary delicacy and emotion, and in the hands of a violinist of soloist quality, the sound was touching. We stood there listening to the beautiful music, lit by golden candlelight and passing headlights of cars as Weatherbee played sweet, sad music.
As we stand upon the doorstep to war it seemed appropriate. A violin is capable of great power, but it can also weep. Weatherbee was making it sing and cry. War is not a time for bravado, though there is much of it. It is a time for sad, sober reflection upon the path to be tread. As I felt the melodies run through me, I felt not as though I were at a protest, but a place of worship, sharing a moment of peace before the storm.
This moment will likely be brief. Unless a miracle occurs, I expect war will come with 48 hours. Soon the bombs will fall and the tanks will roll. And if we're very unlucky, clouds of poison gas will flow across the desert. Death will ride his pale horse.
I will put away my signs and candles when the war begins. I will root for the home team, not out of any conviction in our foreign policy but because I see swift victory as the best way to salvage something out of a bad hand. But my reflections will continue in front of the television or listening to the radio. I will follow the action and briefings closely, all the while longing for the sad, delicate tones of a single violin.
This morning an American woman was killed in the Gaza Strip. She died in the hospital after an Israeli military bulldozer drove over her. Early accounts suggest that after running her over, the operator shifted into reverse and ran over her again.
This woman was part of one of the groups organized to provide human shields for what they believe to be wrongful targets of Israeli military actions. She was blocking the home of of a Palestinian doctor in the Rafah refugee camp.
I got a pretty good start today when I opened an AP wire story about the event and saw that it was a girl I have known since elementary school. I sort of held out this slim hope that it might have been someone else, but CNN is running a photo.
I haven't known Rachel well for many years now, but a couple years ago we had lunch together after discovering some mutual friends... shortly after that I moved to San Francisco and that was the last time I'd seen her.
The elementary school we attended was a public school, but a hippie-ish program in which students worked at their own pace and parents were required to spend a set number of hours each month working in the classrooms. People really got to know each other in that atmosphere. It's been probably near 2 decades now since I have seen Rachel's mom, and I had very little trouble recalling her face.
I'm pretty abstracted from the reality of the Israel-Palestine conflict. I've had a few Jewish friends who have spent time in Israel. That's about the extent of it. Certainly the last place I expected to find a personal connection there this morning was a quiet reserved girl from my small town childhood. On the front page of every major internet media outlet no less.
Rachel Corrie was the first foreign human shield killed in the defense of Palestinians. I hope with all my heart she's the last.
Recommended reading: http://www.cursor.org http://atrios.blogspot.com http://counterspin.blogspot.com http://dneiwert.blogspot.com What Liberal Media? by Eric Alterman Blinded by the Right by David Brock Silencing Political Dissent by Nancy Chang Stupid White Men by Michael Moore
I am disturbed by two things. The first is the willingness of those protesting against the American policy towards Iraq to agree to be contained to areas and apply for permits to hold their protests. The second is the concession amongst many that if war comes, they will stop protesting and root for the home team.
What happened to civil disobedience? Your willingness to contain yourself and not overstep the boundaries your government has given you has made you a sideshow for the enjoyment of television nation. A permit to protest? Do you ask someone permission before punching them in the face after they groped your sister? This is why Supreme Commander Bush considers you to be a minor special interest group.
The real protest begins when war begins. You were marching and singing to stop this war from happening. Have you resigned yourself to failure? Have you decided they were right and now endorse their decision by joining television nation in watching things transpire, all with neat little graphics and "bomber cam" that helps you enjoy this like a movie instead of the horror that it really is? This is when the time comes to make yourself heard. You know what they'll be saying about you in the administration if you sit down once the fighting begins, don't you?
"They made their feelings known.Now, we are all together in support of this war,like good Americans pulling together for what is right."
Is that what you want to become of you? Is that what you've gone out in support of? After all your willingness to stand up for what you believe in, do you want to fall victim to the latest propaganda, that protesting during a war is inherently wrong and shows a lack of respect for our men and women in uniform?
It doesn't.
The mistakes of the anti-war protest during the Vietnam Era was a disrespect for the men and women fighting that war. They were doing what they were told. Some thought they were right. Some thought they were wrong. Some felt they were in the armed forces to do the will of their government and they had no right to challenge that. People in the military are not all that different than those of us who are not. They have lives, they have people they love, they have family, they have friends. They want to live and be happy. Never disrespect a soldier for doing his or her job. I have friends and family in the military and they know I am strongly against this war. I have friends who served in Vietnam. They are doing the job they agreed to do and are paid to do.
You dare to spit on a soldier returning from this shit, I will personally take it upon myself to break your jaw. What am I saying? These people are going into the heart of the chaos and they are taking the bullets and anything else that comes their way because they took a vow and made a promise. This is not the issue. There are people sitting comfortably in their offices making seven figure salaries deciding what becomes of these young men and women. Those are the people who are your targets. They are making decisions they have to live with, but others are suffering the consequences. I have a friend whose wife has a son by a previous marriage. He was in the infantry in the first Gulf War. Now no hair grows on his body. He is more than thirty years old and sits in a corner of their home shaking and making clay jewelry boxes while smiling and saying "I'm making nice jewelry box for my mommy." The government claims nothing unusual happened during his tour of duty and he wasn't exposed to anything out of the ordinary. This is a kid that graduated with honors out of high school.
Don't become a sideshow. Focus. Know what you are dealing with and make yourselves known. This is not a sideshow for the media to handle like a free series of episodes of reality television. You have to make yourselves heard. Don't back down. Don't apologize. Read the facts and know what you are talking about. The media loves to interview idiots who say ridiculous things because they make nice soundbites for the evening news. Be someone.
Chaos is coming.
I played football the other day. We lost 3 -1.
No, that's not what I want to write about at all. That's standard daylog stuff.
I want to be pretentious and write about a great man I never knew. This is for all us newbies.
Well, I've only been a user since December sometime and am on an exponential learning curve here. Give me a break. Anyway - sensei. I came way too late to ever talk to this man, but I know many others did and gained from the experience. sensei deservedly appears everywhere on this site. That is the type of legacy that can never die. But you know this, right?
Well, that's not what I wanted to say either, I'm afraid. Now I want to talk about this. The phrase "/me misses sensei" has become a rally, a cry from those influenced by his works, a simple statement that says "we need more like him", or even just "I miss him, cos he was great". You didn't need me to tell you that, I know.
I am just astounded/glad/touched/something that one man has had such a profound effect on this place and on so many people, including myself, of course. I do not aspire to be him. I wouldn't say I worshipped him, per se, but...well, it's hard to put into words, isn't it? He came, he saw, he conquered. That kinda works.
But now he's gone. We should face up to this fact and carry on, not as if he were never here, but as a reminder of what can be achieved - and that there really are genuinely great people both here and out there. Somewhere.
Oh yeah, this was for all us newbies, right, sorry. The message is: read sensei's stuff before you get stuck in. Yes, go through the University, read all the faqs etc, but look at sensei's work (well, this anyway) if only to get a feel for the community that this place can offer. It's there: just take it. That's why sensei is so important; it's about the community aspect, of making friends, helping each other out and all the rest.
Phew, I think we got there in the end.
PS: I'm sorry if this sounds wrong coming from a newbie like me. I'm sorry if that was all just pretentious bullshit. It's just how I feel about sensei and E2. This is what daylogs are for, right?
It would probably be even worse to end with you-know-what. But what the hell, it's the truth. It really is. I'm sure the E2 experience is vastly different without someone like sensei around. There is still a great deal of fantastic writers roundabouts here though, as everyone knows, and I'm not trying to say sensei was better than everybody, because in that respect he wasn't. sensei teaches about the community, a large part of many noders lives, and for any newbie to learn about this quickly is definitely A Good Thing. Anyway, I'm going on a bit. There is just one thing left to say:
/me misses sensei
Do you?
Oh, and if this has been done before, I didn't know. Honest.
The Definitive Project Messiah aftermath writeup.
Yes, yesterday Project Messiah actually happened, and can be judged a sucess. I suggest you check out the original node for a contrast between the plans and what actually happened....
Who? In no especially good order,
Where? Well, Winchester obviously, but we moved around quite a lot, taking in a fair amount of both scenery and alcohol. Winchester College, where the Messiah concert actually took place was understandably an attraction, but Winchester Castle was also an interesting visit. We didn't go in the cathedral, but passed by it on our way to places such as The Eclipse Inn and The Old Vine. Unfortunately myself and Hamsterman also spent rather a lot of time running in between these locations and the train station.
So what actually happened? After a rushed lunch at my nearby house I went into Winchester, to find Hamsterman, BaronWR and the Birmingham 3 (which sounds rather criminal) lunching in The Eclipse Inn, a rather traditionally generic British Pub.
After a tentative start we were thrown right into a complex discussion, no element of which was understood by three or more people. There were many conspiratorial looks, especially when Hamsterman presented a scar faery with a gift box, which I accused of containing crack. After dodo37's arrival, and the proud display of the "node cup" (ideal for holding Node Soup!) we left to more fully explore the town.
Oddly enough, despite having gone to school there for three years few of the E2 Wykhamists had ever seen the castle, so after a brief tour of the college we headed back into town. The castle was pretty impressive, but perhaps the most unusual feature was a piece of lichen-y wall, with a perspex covering. Theories suggest that this may have been the original instance of the colour green, grass until that point having been yellow! The arthurian round table was suitably large and round, but to everyone's consternation one of the knight's names appeared to be Sir Wikiwiki.
Alas, pedrolio was stuck in his bedsit, suffering from a vile wasting disease, and we felt honour bound to greet him. Entry to the house was a rather less subtle affair than originally intended, as after climbing a rear perimeter wall Hamsterman and myself found it impossible to secure keys with which to enter. Thus, we found ourselves simply walking in through the front door, horribly paranoid of what the demonic "Sid" (no, not the noder) might say about there being actual females in his house. Thankfully he was nowhere to be seen, and after a brief stopover in pedrolio's bedsit (which he informed us is usually much tidier) we ran for it...
At this point everything got a little split up. purple curtain, so save me and a scar faery went to watch the final rehersal of the Messiah, with which Hamsterman was involved, and the rest of us went our seperate ways.
I spent the next hour or so wasting time as I usually do, and when the rehearsal had finished it was time to collect Tiefling and nine9 from the station, which was unfortunately distance. Being the glutton that I am I went to house supper, and thus had to run up the hill to the station, getting there just after the train did.
nine9's map of Winchester had the college in completely the wrong place, but thankfully it was good enough for him to find his hotel. The E2 WAP protocol deserves a far lesser amount of praise for being terminally unwieldly. Soon afterwards, and not entirely unexpectedly I found myself sitting in a pub. Of course just after I'd consumed my first pint I had to run all the way back up the hill to collect Oolong and diotina. After another quick drink we realised that the Messiah concert was much too soon, and having said farewell to the Birmingham noders we proceeded with all due speed to the venue.
Having a slight aversion to classical music in large quantities I declined to watch the Messiah concert, but those that did go seemed far from disappointed, which must indicate something considering the lenghts to which they went to attend. nine9 and diotina had even flown down from Edinburgh.
Unfortunately, by that point it was rather late, and Hamsterman had to accompany Oolong and diotina back to the station. Since it was about 9.45 I had to tell my housemaster a mild white lie in order to be allowed to go and search for food with Tiefling and nine9. After nine9 had turned his nose up at the first few options we ended up in an Ask Pizza and Pasta restaurant. Despite being an A level theology student some of the discussion at the dinner table went over my head, but when the topic turned to RPGs I managed to recruit nine9 as the newest member of RPGers.
I bid everyone farewell, and that should have been the end of it, apart from the fact that I got locked out of the school due to the codes on all the gates being changed, and it took two phone calls to get back inside.
So instead, I'm going to talk about books. You see, I was reading the node for the book lotto thingie, and it occurred to me that I'm really not the kind of person to give books away (or even exchange them). Hell, I don't even like loaning them to people I know. It's not that I'm a stingy person; I'm just... I guess the best word is protective. Bibliophilia doesn't quite cover it. I mean, I can even tell you where I got most of my books. For instance:
Now, I do have a box with some books that I want to get rid of. But I figured it wouldn't be very sporting of me to trade those away to people; you're supposed to trade a book you like, and it's not anybody else's fault that I thoroughly disliked Beloved (which I had to read for a class last semester) or Heinlein's Rocket Ship Galileo (which was apparently a novel meant for juveniles). But this reminded me that I also have duplicate copies of some books.
So, long story short, I'm going to add a book to the pot. Probably Dune. With my luck, though, I'll probably wind up getting something like Left Behind or some Young-Earther's copy of Worlds In Collision. Oh well.
Investigators Fly Elizabeth Smart Over Site Investigators packed Elizabeth Smart into a police helicopter on Sunday, flying the girl over the Utah foothills where she was allegedly held captive for months. The investigators asked Elizabeth to point out the campsite where she was held, various trails used by her captors, and other landmarks from the first few weeks of her kidnapping, which began on June 5, 2002 when she was stolen from her home at knifepoint. Charges against her captor, Brian David Mitchell, were expected to be filed today.
Late Arrival Kerry Steals The Show In a surprise move that delighted revelers on Sunday, a weakened Senator John Kerry showed up halfway through yesterday's St. Patrick's Day breakfast in Boston and poked fun at his root, his hair, and his prostate. Kerry had planned to skip the event due to his recent prostate surgery, but changed his mind suddenly and went to the breakfast anyway. The breakfast is seen as an important political event in terms of helping to build support among the Irish community in Boston, the support of which Kerry will need for an upcoming Presidential run in 2004.
Many War Protests Over The Weekend With the possibility of war with Iraq drawing nearer, demonstrators hit the streets both to show support for peace as well as to support the US troops that may be involved in the conflict. A rally of about 10,000 anti-war protesters occurred in Chicago, while a protest of about 6,000 occurred near Philadelphia at Valley Forge, among other smaller antiwar protests. In Providence, Rhode Island and Mountain Home, Arkansas, people gathered to support troop units being deployed to the Middle East.
Israeli Army Enters Gaza Strip Camp At least six Palestinians are dead and 15 injured after Israeli troops entered a refugee camp in central Gaza this morning. The Israelis sent tanks and armored vehicles into Nusseirat camp early this morning, exchanging gunfire with Palestinians, who the Israelis claimed was harboring a man wanted by the Israeli secret police. Palestinian medical staff indicated that the man (Mohammed Saafin) was indeed killed in the attack, along with a two year old girl and a thirteen year old boy.
US Advises Weapons Inspectors To Leave Iraq In the clearest sign yet that war with Iraq is imminent, the United States has advised United Nations weapons inspectors to begin pulling out of Baghdad. Mohamed El Baradei, head of the International Atomic Energy Agency, said the advice was given late Sunday night both to his Vienna-based nuclear agency hunting for atomic weaponry and to the New York-based teams looking for biological and chemical weapons. In a statement to the IAEA's board of governors today, El Baradei said "Late last night ... I was advised by the U.S. government to pull out our inspectors from Baghdad."
Pneumonia-Like Virus Originated In China The deadly pneumonia-like illness that was the subject of a World Health Organization warning on Saturday originated in southern China in November and peaked a month ago, according to a report the Chinese government provided to WHO officials. The outbreak sparked months of panic buying of vinegar, herbal remedies and antibiotics in China. This outbreak is suspected to be the same one that has spread recently to the West. So far, there have been fewer than ten deaths outside of China due to the illness, but hundreds are seriously ill.
Alan Greenspan Considering Another Interest Rate Cut After a string of particularly ugly data in February, the idea that the federal funds rate could be cut to 1% or lower is gaining support in Washington. Although most Wall Street firms do not expect Alan Greenspan, the Federal Reserve Board chairman, to actually reduce rates at the board meeting tomorrow, the idea is beginning to gain momentum on the board and may be considered strongly at their next meeting. A reduction would place the federal funds rate at 1% or lower, which would be the lowest rate ever. Most investors are comparing the current United States economy to that of Great Britain from 1986 to 1996, when their economy dealt with the bursting of a bubble from an overinflated housing market.
Asian Stocks End Lower on News of Imminent War Asian financial markets finished lower Monday as the diplomatic deadlock over Iraq appeared to break in the direction of war. President Bush signaled Sunday that diplomatic efforts over disarming Iraq will end Monday, following a summit with Britain, Spain and Portugal in the remote Azores islands. Japan's Nikkei 225 Stock Average ended 1.6% lower as investors digested the news. Despite the slide, investors were mainly taking a wait- and-see approach ahead of the U.N.'s response to Bush's ultimatum.
Oil Prices Climb On Threat of War Oil prices jumped Monday on the imminent threat of war on the world's seventh largest oil exporter Iraq after the United States offered just one more day of United Nations talks to sanction the use of force. International benchmark Brent crude oil surged up $1.52 at one point before trimming gains to stand 41 cents up at $30.54 per barrel. U.S. crude futures were 50 cents higher at $35.88 a barrel, some $5 short of their peak during the 1990-1991 Gulf crisis. Crude oil futures have risen 40 percent in four months as President Bush has stepped up his rhetoric against Iraq.
Tablet PCs Proving Popular Through the end of December, Hewlett-Packard had a slight lead over Fujitsu in worldwide shipments of Tablet PCs, according to research released Monday by IDC. Around 72,000 units total had been sold through December, which greatly exceeded early estimates of 50,000 sold by the end of 2002. Tablet PC vendors launched their devices on November 7, 2002, in conjunction with Microsoft's Windows XP Tablet PC Edition launch the same day; thus, the sales numbers are total for only seven weeks of release.
Texas Student Found In Cracking Scheme Christopher Andrew Phillips, a 20 year old computer science major from Houston at the University of Texas, is charged with unauthorized access to a protected computer and using someone else's identification with intent to commit a federal crime. Phillips told Secret Service agents on March 5 that he had written and executed a computer program that could access a university Web site and its database, which would distribute 36,000 to 72,000 randomly generated Social Security numbers a minute against the site and collect any information returned from these accesses.
SAP Co-Founder Steps Down SAP co-founder Hasso Plattner is stepping down from day-to-day control of the German business software giant in a move that is being described by the company as a "step up" to SAP's advisory board. In the move, Plattner will relinquish control of the company to his current co-chief executive, Henning Kagermann, who will become sole chief executive. "Today we have the right organisation in place to capitalise on the next technology wave," said Plattner in a statement. "We are executing extremely well and gaining market share in a tough market. That makes this the right time for me to hand over the day-to-day business entirely to Henning Kagermann."
Cholesterol-Lowering Drug Lipobay Banned The cholesterol-lowering drug Lipobay, which was earlier withdrawn from the market by the manufacturer, has been officially banned in Thailand as of February 22, 2003. Bayer Co. voluntarily suspended marketing and distribution of Lipobay in August 2001 after reports of severe muscle contraction problems with potentially lethal consequences were widely reported. The US FDA had received reports of 31 deaths among people who have used the drug. The deaths resulted from severe rhabdomyolysis, a condition that results in muscle cell breakdown. Symptoms of rhabdomyolysis include muscle pain, fever, dark urine, nausea and vomiting.
World's Obese Calculated To Number 1.7 Billion Medical experts called for a new assessment of how weight-related health risks in Asians are measured which could push up the number of overweight and obese people worldwide to 1.7 billion. The new figure, which would be 50 percent higher than current estimate, is based on recommendations to lower the threshold for Asians because of their special vulnerability to weight-related disorders. Professor Philip James, the chairman of the London-based International Obesity TaskForce (IOTF), said the global standard for measuring overweight/obesity, the Body Mass Index (BMI), is based on western criteria and needs to be adjusted for Asians. Regardless, there is serious indication of a worldwide obesity crisis.
NCAA Mens', Womens' College Basketball Tournament Brackets Released The annual NCAA mens' and womens' college basketball tournament brackets were released yesterday evening. This years' tournament features Kentucky, Arizona, Texas, and Oklahoma as the top seeds on the mens' side, while LSU, Tennessee, Connecticut, and Duke earned top seeds in the womens' bracket. The brackets may have to be altered, however, to place BYU elsewhere so they won't have to play on Sunday, which is outlawed by university and religious rules.
Graeme Smith Vows New Era In South African Cricket With the appointment of Graeme Smith as the captain of the national cricket team, South Africa looks to shed the corruption of former team captain Hansie Cronje, who was discovered to have been involved in match fixing during his tenure as captain. Cronje's short-term replacement, Shaun Pollock, led the team to dismal World Cup failure and was also axed, paving the way for Smith to take the helm. At the press conference introducing him as national team captain, Smith said, "I never met (Cronje). I never played with or against him. We're starting afresh now; I've got no baggage from the Hansie Cronje era."
Natalie Maines Apologizes For Anti-Bush Comments Dixie Chick Natalie Maines has apologized to President Bush for the negative comment she made about him while performing overseas last week. The trio performed a live show in London on Monday (March 10) where Maines told the crowd, "Just so you know, we're ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas." On March 14, 2003, Maines released this statement: "As a concerned American citizen, I apologize to President Bush because my remark was disrespectful. I feel that whoever holds that office should be treated with the utmost respect. We are currently in Europe and witnessing a huge anti-American sentiment as a result of the perceived rush to war. While war may remain a viable option, as a mother, I just want to see every possible alternative exhausted before children and American soldiers' lives are lost. I love my country. I am a proud American."
James Gandolfini, HBO Continue Talks On The Sopranos The Sopranos star James Gandolfini and HBO are considering a deal to drop their dueling lawsuits and proceed with contract negotiations, according to several published reports. Gandolfini, according to HBO sources, is seeking $25 million for a fifth season of the hit series which, if agreed upon, would be a record for an actor starring in a TV drama. Others, however, have said Gandolfini's asking price was closer to $16 million.
When I was young, I was reasonably good at basketball. I played with a fervor throughout middle school and dreamed of perhaps one day actually being able to play college basketball, ideally at Tennessee or LSU. It was sincerely my dream for many years.
Then, one day I was playing pick-up basketball and out of nowhere, as I went for a layup, I was tackled from behind and I dropped to the floor like a ton of bricks. I couldn't move for a short while, and it was very difficult for me to walk for several weeks afterwards. In my desperate dream to keep playing, I tried to hide my back injury and kept playing, but it was pretty obvious that I could barely run more than two or three steps at a time.
So, I gave up playing for a while and discovered other interests. I became rather depressed for a while, but eventually I came out of that. I didn't play basketball at all for two years.
I finally gave it another try, and it took a fair amount of courage for me to pick up a ball again. I was able to run the length of the floor while dribbling, and I was ecstatic, but as soon as I did that four or five times, the back pain started again.
The dream was really over.
I think that is why the month of March is so amazing to me. I watch the college basketball tournaments with a fervent passion; some years, I even take the first two days of the tournament off of work to watch them.
The majesty of watching young people out there playing just for the joy of it, just for the chance to keep playing another day, fills my heart with a tremendous amount of joy.
It truly is March Madness.
In my daylog for February 19, 2003, I outlined my plan for a challenging Lenten discipline: no food or water during daylight hours. Visit that daylog for more details.
My discipline met some severe challenges over the last several days.
I attended a conference, and the meal times were set up to make it very difficult to eat with others and still maintain my discipline. I usually went to the banquets and just neglected to eat or drink anything. People asked me about why I was doing this, and I would tell them it was for spiritual reasons, and this was usually met with an odd look.
After days of this, I began to realize that the state of spirituality in America is really in a sad state. The mere idea of spirituality or belief in a particular religion seems to strike most people as being stupid by default.
But I made it through. I tend to think that the negative reactions of others to my spiritual choices has been the hardest part.
