Junkmail that's marked Personal and Confidential

created by emil greer

(idea) by emil greer (3.1 y) (print) ? (I like it!) Mon May 22 2000 at 20:31:39

Its that time of the month when I can actually afford to open my mailbox and begin to budget my payment schedule to those who I owe. Today, I opened my mailbox and a heavier than normal amount of mail fell out.

I crouched down to pick the letters up and I noticed they were all in window envelopes with unfamilliar logos with the words Personal and Confidential stamped on the front of them.

I had to think about where they were coming from. Did I miss paying someone off somewhere down the line and now they want my ass? I opened the mail.

YOU HAVE BEEN APPROVED FOR YOUR VERY OWN PLATINUM AMEX!

Blow me. I don't make $60,000 annually.

There were seven envelopes addressed to me that were marked this way but contained some sort of junk content. Is this how advertising and marketing departments are going to be trying to get our attention via snailmail?

I'm gonna ignore it all and just wait for the bills to come in that are in brown envelopes. They're the ones you gotta pay.

printable version
chaos

Junk mail never has to spell your name right, but important stuff does	Take my hand, little naked buddy, while we sniff the magic number	Cincinnati Flying Pig Marathon	AMEX
blow me	I knew that. My brain just chose to withhold that information from me.	Dependent Personality Disorder	Ecstasy
Lucha Libre	Newsnight

Y'know, if you log in, you can write something here, or contact authors directly on the site. Create a New User if you don't already have an account.

Login
Password

remember me
password reminder
register

Everything2 Help

Little presents from the Node Fairy:
James Bond's gadgets
code switching
We Cannot Breathe, We Cannot Breathe
Questions to ask yourself on the way to self discovery
Dulce et Decorum Est
Et tu, Brute?
How can a good Buddhist work in advertising?
car chase
XML
Bill Hicks
Don't be smart too, I couldn't stand it
Jack Kerouac character reference key
Hundred Years War

locke baron
The fall of Earth	(fiction)
BookReader
Fear the Cold	(dream)
Pavlovna
Kathleen MacInnes	(person)
stainedglass
1	(fiction)
kalen
Three "T"s	(idea)
octillion369
Undead	(idea)
archiewood
Ico	(fiction)
Heisenberg
Why I love Everything2	(log)
octillion369
Death Knight	(person)
XWiz
Are you hoping for a miracle?	(review)
santo
The Host	(review)
LostPsion
"Shut the Fuck Up" Theaters	(idea)
beatrice
You've been slowly taking me over for nearly a year, do you know that?	(idea)
Berek
YouTube	(thing)
shaogo
How to Pretend to Have a Job	(idea)

Everything 2 is brought to you by the letter C and The Everything Development Company