JLF Poisonous Non-Consumables

created by SpeedFreek

(thing) by SpeedFreek (4.1 y) (print) ? (I like it!) Thu Mar 29 2001 at 21:51:18

A mail order company based in Elizabethtown Indiana that specializes in plants and chemicals, especially those reputed to have psychoactive properties such as Salvia divinorum, Amanita muscaria, Trichocereus pachanoi (San Pedro cactus), and even Dextromethorphan hydrobromide in powder form. JLF makes no claim as the the psychoactive quality of any of their products. The JLF catalog proudly bears "The Longest Warning Label You've Ever Seen"

The Longest Warning Label You've Ever Seen
"Any seed prohibited as a noxious weed, or other, by law, is supplied to the consignee for nonsowing purposes only. By ordering such seed, the customer agrees to the use of such seed for nonsowing purposes only. Void where prohibited; check your local laws. All merchandise sold in this catalog is poisonous and not intended for internal consumption, external absorption or other routes of ingestion by humans or animals. Keep all JLF products (and any empty plastic bags they may have come in) out of the reach of children and those less responsible for their own actions. All merchandise is classified as nonconsumable. Do not eat. Do not use in any manner unauthorized by JLF. JLF assumes no liability for any misuse or abuse of its products. For example: (for those litigious types who exist solely to keep the human aspect of Murphy's Law alive) Do not take orally (into your mouth) as a food, a beverage, a chew, a toothpick, a nutritional supplement, a medicine, a drug or an agent of suicide. Do not eat, drink, inject, inhale, insert, absorb, sniff, snort, smoke, slam or ingest in any way. Do not stick, put, or throw into your or another person's mouth, nose, ear, eye, anus, urethra, vagina or any other orifice or port-of-entry that may exist on your or another person's body. Do not allow any carbon-based product to become moist, then allow it to decompose with a pathogenic micro-organism, then allow the foul black rot to come in contact with your body, (especially mucous membranes) or insert into the orifices previously mentioned, thereby causing an infectuous disease. Do not do that. Also, do not do this: Do not deploy any of JLF's products as weapons of war or tools for violence, such as dangerous high speed projectiles aimed at people or property. Do not use for tinder to start a fire to commit arson or to burn yourself or another or any public or private property. Do not leave lying on the floor to trip over or slip on to incur personal injury. Obviously, there is not enough room here to list all the possible "do nots". If, after reading all of this, you find that you still can not keep from harming yourself or others or their property with JLF's products, then you should probably go back to bed and stay there the rest of your life. Then again, on second thought; DO NOT GO BACK TO BED AND STAY THERE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! JLF will not be liable for any injuries or misfortune incurred from attempting to stay in bed for the rest of your life because you somehow thought we authorized it here. By the way, prices subject to change without notice."

Despite the warning above people do occasionally purchase products for the purposes of ingestion. Although I haven't heard of any other incidents, one of my friends did end up in the hospital in a coma after being fed a mixture of dried Amanita muscaria and Acorus Calamus root oil by someone he trusted at the time.

More information about JLF Poisonous Non-Consumables may be found at http://www.jlfcatalog.com

A catalog may be obtained by writing:
JLF Poisonous Non-Consumables
P.O. Box 184
Elizabethtown, IN 47232

printable version
chaos

Terence McKenna	amanita muscaria	Salvia divinorum	The Portland Oregon Everything Tea
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consumption	law	weed	Noxious
Indiana	Soy	Warning Labels	God Lives Underwater
The Tampines Issues Forum Fiasco	snail mail	information	Calamus

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