I just put a cigarette in the ashtray for a minute while I tried to do some editing here. It immediately went out. This is the last straw for me. I've put up with idiots ruining so many things in life with nary a word of complaint. Oh, maybe a few. I did complain about class action suits where idiots have tried to ruin so many businesses (including mine) by pretending that they are too stupid to read a disclaimer or warning label. This is the main reason I am so much in favor of tort reform. I can see a day when I am required by law to have a trigger lock on my guns so that it will take me crucial time to fire a couple of rounds when I feel the need. How in God's name am I going to send a message to that punk driving down my street with FUCK, FUCK, FUCK YOU / YOU CUNT WHORE BITCH / I'M GONNA FUCK YOU blaring from his blown speakers if I have to take time to undo a trigger lock? These squirrels I'm removing from my yard won't wait for me to mess with a trigger lock, will they?
It won't be long until I'm required by law to check the air pressure in my tires each month just because some folks don't realize that riding around in a 40 ton tank with 5 pounds of air pressure is dangerous. Soon every hamburger I get at a fast food place will be ice cold because some idiot says a pickle burned their precious little pie hole. A pie hole that could be charred shut for all I care. I don't think I need bring up what some idiots have attempted to do with this web site, and would have succeeded if not for the diligent work of your editorial staff.
But now it has come down to the precious few cigarettes I enjoy each day. My favorite brand has fallen prey to idiocracy. They are using a new kind of paper called "Paper Select." Guess what it's for? It's for idiots who fall asleep while smoking a cigarette in the brilliant and yet subconscious attempt to remove their useless selves from the planet. How does it work? According to the warning label included in the pack, the paper has speed bumps which cause the cigarette to die if not being sucked on with constant fervor. So, I've got to smoke this little bastard like there's no tomorrow if I want to smoke at all. One instance of taking a break from puffing like a madman, and it'll go out. I do not want to hot box my smoke just to keep it lit. I do not want to relight the charred end of a cigarette. Someone told me years ago that relighting a cigarette was ten times more likely to give you cancer. I believe that, no matter what the truth is. We are engaged in a futile effort to keep idiots alive. You don't think this is going to affect the natural process of evolution? No less than the future of the human race is at stake here, and that's just another reason to vote these misguided do-gooders out of public office forever!
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