Sadly, this is true.
I know what you're thinking: That I can't possibly be serious, that the suave, sophisticated fellow you've all grown to know and love must be just as much "the Man" in real life.
But it is true, and it's time I faced up to the facts. I'm living a lie. The Jag is actually my Dad's.* There are no Mafia hitmen after me. And I bought the NSA ID badge at a novelty shop.
* This is actually true. He bought it on eBay last month for 3.5 grand.
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