I am the keeper of the 7 special things that if released unto the masses will cause the death of all reason, and the beginning of the time of gibbering and considerable discomfort. I expect this makes me some kind of religious icon. I will take my duties seriously.
These things, in order of vileness, and potential for global franchises, are:
The ambient musical stylings of "Cthulhu:Live and unplugged in R'lyeh".
Pauly Shore: My Beautiful Life (an Autobiography).
The golem created entirely from the massive eyebrows of dead politicians.
The tentacle pr0n version of the Old Testament.
Ayn Rand's first draft entitled "Atlas shrugged and said: 'fucked if I know'".
The scrolls which prove that Buddha actually believed 'killing is way K3w1'.
The decoded subliminal content of Sesame Street designed to promote cannibalism.
When I have time, I will be forming *the one true religion*, naturally based upon the 7 special things, and their role in how we should live our day to day lives. I'm currently far to busy with my schedule of furious masturbation to construct myths of genesis, but when I do, expect flyers and subsequent enlightenment. Unlike other religions, sevenism will be free of charge, light on the guilt, and low on fizz so you can 'slam it down fast'. | 
