I want world peace, and the horrors of war that seem to be so entertaining. I want to wander the earth like Kane, but with a beach house stocked with food and beer in every nation, and really stupid pissweak bad guys to fight. I want everyone else in the world to have super powers, because they would seek me out to mediate disputes, and from that position my overlordship would be a foregone conclusion. I want chips to come pre-packaged with beer. I want to lace Santa's milk and cookies with LSD, and see what presents the kids get. I want naked women to chase me, screaming my name with overwhelming desire. I want naked men to do the same just so I feel wanted. I want all of them to understand when I tell them I already have a partner. I want many pretzels. I want a horde of chirruping gerbils to come racing down the polished wood corridor of the hall, and comically bump into the wall at the end as they scramble to make the turn (just like cats). I want music that I can listen to for the first time over and over again. I want to slip into a waking nightmare at will. I want to subvert and reinstate the dominant paradigm at semi-random intervals. I want equal rights in all things for plants, just to see how that would work out. I want to be omniscient but amnesic, and laugh at people grasping for the moldy kernel of truth. I want to be god without anyone knowing. I want to be the devil at the same time. I want to die and then wake up. I want to be a *cool* starfish. I want to stop this. Now. Where did i put my nice cold glass of shut the hell up?