How to remain insane at the workplace

(idea) by Cugel the clever (4.8 mon) (print) ? (I like it!) 2 C!s Wed May 24 2000 at 16:54:45

Here is a small list of things to do at the workplace. Doing these things will let you remain healthily insane. I suggest you try them all.

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if you boss is of a different gender than you.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names: "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Highlight your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid.
Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
Put your trash can on your desk and label it: IN.
Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

If you know more, don't hesitate to add them :-)

printable version
chaos

Spying on people in the shower	caffeine addiction	Flux capacitor	Paging Dr. Freud
Losing Creativity	Have you no sense of decency, sir?	Workplace law in Australia	synchronized swimming
blah blah blah	insanely curious	Palmolive	Masturbation
Dread Zeppelin	espresso	pizza	Linus Torvalds
A month at Everything	cocktail party	Arabia	The cathedrals that didn't fall down
Spare Ass Annie	Sparky	Opeth	old

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