I'm not an official research psychologist, but I can suggest a few ideas of my own, I believe. When you are approached by someone whom you don't wish to converse with, try some of these:
- Punctuate your sentences with the word 'bitch.'
Example: Punctuate your senteces with the word 'bitch,' bitch.
Or, in real conversation:
"Hey Tim!"
"Hey, bitch, how's it going?" (alternately: "Hey, how's it going, bitch?")
"I wanted to ask you something. I was wondering if - "
"Sorry, don't have the time, bitch."
- Cut people off. Yes, the previous example gave this away already.
Don't let them finish sentences. If they don't feel like they're talking to you, then they will often stop.
- Simulate insanity through random interjection.
This is mainly accomplished through saying things that don't make any sense. If your acquaintance is talking about the weather, mention how much the monkeys must enjoy it. Unless you're at the zoo. Then you'll have been paying attention. If you're at the zoo, mention how much WWI aviators' pants have influenced the fashion of the post-industrialized world's interior design venue. This one is almost a failsafe for myself. I've used it numerous times, sometimes in conjunction with others, and escaped conversation quite rapidly by escaping while the target was pondering the sheer nonsense that I'd just spewed in the form of a normal question.
- Offer them Kindergarten Presents.
This includes all manner of dirt, rubbish, pocket lint, and yes, the indefatigable dead things that young boys are so used to handing to others, who often accept the gift awkwardly. Being older entitles you to be held responsible in the sense that you're not supposed to give these kind of 'gifts.' Your target should recoil from you, if outright egression hasn't taken place after the moment of realization.
- Remove clothing.
Yours, theirs, it doesn't matter. Do what you think would be most unnerving. Remember. You don't want this person to be around any longer, so get them freaked out. But be sure to know and note what sexual persuasion your target is of. This tactic, used foolishly, can result in more discomfort and awkwardness for the reader, if performed improperly.
- Kick them.
Kick guys in the nuts. Kick girls wherever they look sensitive. I don't promote physical violence, but I'll be damned if it never fails to stop your conversation right then and there, and become a humorous anecdote for future use.
Have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do! |
