I ask myself how do I really feel about rain, not the way I have been told to feel, but what is the true core of it.
Would you be angry if I found rain sinister?
I will be the one who is in love with water in all its forms and noises.
Once you love it all you will have it forever. This does not mean it will not change.
secret wish: to be identical to the ocean. you will have to re-decide several times which one of us you would rather leave behind.
rain takes long low strides to get from that mountain to us. it walks faster at night.
You cannot make it shy, even as ice.
Secretly the kaleidoscope surface of the ocean is moving faster than the speed of light, only you have just now caught up to it, or you think you have. Really you are living so much on a slower scale than this impossible movement, it is impossible for you to follow. Look too closely, investigate, and it will swallow you.
Anything moving through water is intensified, its movement and reality both slowed so you can feel it happening longer. Why did you think boats and fish and girls in water were automatically so beautiful. Spread out in more time, they are given greater depth of reality. Given more time to love them, we have no choice. Everything you hate, spinning into a rich blue which eats it, might not be so ugly.
There was more rain when I was a kid. Or it affected my plans more directly. These days, in this adulthood, do I even notice if it's raining? When did I last look up to see where it was coming from? I should have kept more loyalty to something I used to love and hate so much. If it was summertime I'd stand in the front yard in it, warm mud hiding bare feet, clean air getting cleaner, in the middle of the pounding. Do you remember when rain was so strong it physically hurt you? It left bruises that blossomed into health. Could we cure the dying by setting them out in the rain until they wept? If it won't cure them shouldn't we do it anyway?
if you want lonely I will give you
white water flapping against a little boat
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