| (Washington, D.C.) - The United States House of Representatives passed the Complete Children Protection Act, with a nearly unanimous vote. The act, which is rumored to have started out as a joke, will now go to the Senate. The act will require the country to euthanise every person in the country over the age of eighteen.
The Act claims that the efforts to protect children from things that are harmful and dangerous has not gone far enough, and since adults are nearly always the cause of these problems, that to protect the children this must be done. "It is suspected that the overwhelming vote for the act was due to the recent surge of feelings that children must be protected, at any cost," said one Washington political commentator. "We've already been tearing down everything else because it might harm children, so why not just eliminate all adults completely?" Another stated, "the representatives probably voted for it because they did not want to seem anti-child in this political climate."
Religious Right and other conservative pro-family groups have embraced the act. "This is a great victory for us," said Angel Saint, spokeswoman for the group Christians For The Elimination Of Anything We Don't Like. "We can finally rid the country of all those pedophile homosexual NEA liberals out to make all children their personal sex slaves." When asked if they were worried about being euthanised themselves, they said "Of course not, as that would be a violation of our freedom of religion. But they can get those damn witches making our kids worship Satan with them, and those horrible atheists out to keep me from serving my duty to Jesus Christ by converting those evil non-Christians. It is harming our children by not making them pray and study the Bible in school, where they should be doing it."
The ACLU, and a number of human rights groups have protested, but concerted efforts from groups like the People Against Freedom For Anti-Child Groups have kept them from being heard as of yet. "We can't allow groups like this to postpone the benefit to our children that this bill provides," stated Robert Powermonger (R-Texas). "We must protect the children from those evil movies and music which drive them to thinking for themselves, mass murder, gangs, and video games. These children are our future, and I'll be damned if I let anything ruin them from a proper life." | 
