Heart flutterings hurt more as I age

created by starchyk

(idea) by starchyk (6.7 y) (print) ? (I like it!) 1 C! Sun Dec 10 2000 at 22:55:14

I don't have the energy for crushes anymore.
I used to thrive on it,
the sweet joy of hearing
that he said something nice about me,
the way my heart would race
when I saw him at his locker,
finally,
after walking by it 20 times.

And yes,
even the pain of seeing him
smile at another girl,
oh I would cry my eyes out,
but even in that I could revel
in how deep my love was.

(Usually for someone i barely knew,
but upon whom I had transferred
all of my hope and fantasy.)

Now it's different.
After being single
(and loving it)
I let myself fall.
I indulged in a willing suspension of disbelief,
telling myself that I could take it,
because I had accepted that
no love is forever,
but a summer fling
can be a beautiful escape from reality
for a time.

But hurting isn't fun anymore
and I am going home
to winter.

Stupid heart. Useless organ.	Pale sickly white girl, why you no love me?	He needed to repeat some well-used mantra of love just one more time	Size does matter
In the desert	Commit to paper the chances I've missed, the girls I've loved, the dogs I've kissed	stroke volume	Feelings
Love	cardiac output	good-bye	panic attack
Flood	The Rings of Power

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