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He ran over my cousin with a motor home!
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Jet-Poop
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Jet-Poop
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Tue May 02 2000 at 0:22:53
This is the
story
of the time my
cousin
and I met
Nipsey Russell
.
Back in the late
1980s
, my cousin came to visit our
family
. He was about
five years
older than me, and he was driving to a
children's camp
up in the
mountains
where he was going to be a
counselor
for the
summer
. Anyway, we took him on a
tour
of the sights around
town
and stopped off at the
mall
. We dug around the
music store
for a while (he was a
drummer
, so he had to try out every pair of
sticks
they had), then started to walk to the
bookstore
on the opposite side of the mall.
The mall was holding some sort of
auto show
inside the building, with a lot of
old cars
parked here and there instead of
earring kiosk
s. Neither my cousin nor I were much interested in old
car
s, so we were ignoring them and walking on when we heard a
voice
shout, "
Hey! Get back here!
" We turned to look, and there was
comedian
/
actor
/minor-
celebrity
Nipsey Russell
smiling and pointing at us. He had apparently been hired to make a
personal appearance
with the
auto show
to drum up
business
. Well, we couldn't resist a former
Match Game
star, so we went on over.
We got a couple of
autograph
ed
photo
s and made a little
small talk
. Nipsey told us he'd just come through the
mountains
my cousin was going to and enthused about how
beautiful
they were. He told us a couple of
funny
Match Game
stories
, then mentioned "
The Wiz
". My cousin told him he hadn't liked that
movie
much at all, which seemed to
surprise
Nipsey quite a bit. He said he thought it should have won a couple of
Oscars
, but my cousin
laugh
ed and said
no
. Nipsey actually looked
angry
and walked away, but by now, we were talking to one of the
exhibitor
s and weren't paying close
attention
.
Suddenly, we heard a
shout
, the
roar
of an
engine
, and the
crunch
of
metal
. Nipsey had walked down the mall to where they were
exhibit
ing a fancy
motor home
. He'd gotten in, turned the
key
, and was now driving the
motor home
down the mall corridor! People were
scream
ing their heads off, running
left
and
right
trying to
get away
, and the motor home was bashing every
car
it passed--it was just too
large
to make it down the
corridor
safely. The scene was total
chaos
. My
cousin
and I tried to
escape
, but Nipsey was making a
beeline
right for us. We were heading for the
door
outside when Nipsey turned the
corner
,
stomp
ed his foot on the
gas
, and...
He ran over my cousin with a motor home!
My cousin was very
lucky
to escape with just a
broken leg
. Nipsey's
manager
came running up with his
medicine
as soon as a couple of
car detailer
s tackled him. Nipsey had to pay a huge
settlement
with the
mall
, the
owner
s of the
cars
, and, of course, my
cousin
, but he never saw the inside of a
jail cell
, and we've never figured out how the
story
didn't hit the
papers
.
And that's a
true story
, baby.
True story, pure fiction, what's the difference...
printable version
chaos
Nipsey Russell
Lies are fun
The Wiz
Why Linux sucks
flattened fauna
Saving myself for Holden Caulfield
Match Game
Port Burwell
Walking proudly in the streets that are your own
Laura
Tell me another lie
High Wind Warning
cousin
mall
comedian
Lodi
salt lick
stepper motor
Brother german
beeline
Dog Soldiers
Forth
gastroenterology
motorhome
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