Getting my blood drawn makes me cry

Even though I can drive, I had my mom take me because hospitals are scary and there's always paperwork to be filled out. I had been there before, so I knew where the lab was. I was hoping that it would be too crowded and we would have to go home or something, I actually don't quite remember what I was thinking, I just didnt want to get my blood drawn. But there was no one there, and they called me and my mom into a room. I had to sit down, I was weak as it was because I had not eaten in almost a day. I almost immediately started crying. Not the hysterical, baby kind of crying, but the quiet, dazed kind. I had been reduced to a little girl. I couldnt talk about it at the time.

The actual act in itself wasnt so bad. They laid me down because I have a tendency to faint, and I closed my eyes and hummed some random tune and waited for it to be all over. I dont know how much blood they took from me. I couldn't stand to look. I have a good vein, so they never miss it while putting the needle in my arm. I really don't think I could stand it if they didn't get it the first try.

When we were leaving my mom asked me how I ever thought I would be able to have kids, because when a woman is pregnant she has to get her blood drawn alot. So I thought about that. And I think I'm going to adopt.

I have had a fair amount of shots in the past year or two. Now, when I was younger the shots would scare the hell outta me. They were the worst thing you could do to me. But with age, and a long break between getting any shots, I realized that if I didn't think about it, just relaxed and looked into space, the shot wasn't so bad.

The searching-for-a-vein stories that I've heard scare me. Badly. Any amount of time spent in my arm will get to me, I think. Very gory stuff about blood, guts, talking about details of insides, etc. gets to me. I can handle them mentally, usually, but physically I get weak. I have to touch my throat to feel alright. The thought of getting my blood drawn makes me fairly weak and a need to feel safe. I, too, am wondering if birthing my own children is worth the I.V., shots, blood being drawn, and the pain of the kid coming through a not-so-big opening are worth it....

Actually, I know I will deal with all of that. And I'll bet that the next time I get blood drawn, it won't be that bad. The anticipation is the hard part. I'll just lie to myself beforehand about it not hurting or being creepy, and all will be just fine...

The thing is, though, that in fourth and fifth grade I was taking a medicine that required I be given a blood test every other week. I was not a happy camper. My mother usually held my hand while I started screaming, often at the touch of the alcohol, even before the needle went in.
I still remember hiding in the closet under the white coats one time while the lab technician tried to pull me out.
Not to mention that, one time, my doctor ordered the wrong test, so I had to come back 2 days later.
It once took a lab tech 4 attempts to find my vein. You can imagine my mood.

I am thin now, but at the time, I weighed so little that it was hard for me to run or do anything active for the rest of the day after the blood (usually 2 vials) was drawn.

Even now at the age of 18, I feel queasy when I go past the building where those tests were done, no matter how little reason there is for such a feeling. It's just planted too deep.