It's happened my entire life, you'd think I'd be used to it by now... You see, my real name is Shannon, and as such, I tend to get a lot of telemarketers and other annoying folk who seem to think I'm female... That wouldn't be bad enough except now I run website with some other people, mostly females.. and since everything I post there shows up as being from 'Shannon', I've already starting getting all kinds of lovely email messages, such as:
"Hey girl, it's Santa Claus..." (Yeah? so where is my Asian sex slave I asked for last year?!)
"I thought this would make you wet." (Sorry, I beat my incontinence problems months ago...)
"What, you're a lesbian?" (Yep, I can't go a day without craving a woman... must be a lesbian)..
"Wait, you're a guy, with a girls name!?" (Holy shit! I never realized! Thanks for pointing that out to me!)
"...a chick with a website?!" (Oh yeah, there's a real winning attitude in this day and age....)
A guy I know runs a really nifty website, it's pretty much dedicated to a certain type of ladies undergarments. I made the mistake of signing their guestbook with my real name. A couple days later I get an email from some whacked out psychopath asking me all kinds of crazy things like "Why do you wear thongs? Do you like the look? The Feel? Or do they just make you horny?", "does shit ever cling to your thong?" (I kid you not!).. point being.. this guy was a creep.. a weird creep at that... I never responded back to him, he was just too odd, and usually I'm full of mean, nasty things to say when people mistake me for a female without knowing me. (I still find it amusing to break down and cry 'She Passed Away Last Week' whenever telemarketers call and ask for 'Ms. Shannon'...)
All this is pretty much the reason why I don't list my realname on my homenode. It's almost like my real name has become too much of a hassle... I'm afraid some under-sexed, hormone rampaged teen boy might stumble across one of my writeups, maybe even Hey, stop distracting me by rubbing lotion on your legs and suddenly decide I must be a lesbian, and oh how under-sexed, hormone rampaged guys seem to love lesbians... (thus beginning my hell all over again, this time on E2)..
Folks, my real name may be Shannon, but I'm not a chick.. I'm a guy... I have balls, I crave alcohol and women (not always in that order)... I eat cold pizza for breakfast in the morning, and wash it down with a nice bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 (I've yet to meet a female who drank that nasty crap, and if I do, I'm runnin from her, fast)... I am looking for "wild monkey sex", but not with any person who's lackin a vagina. And I *sure* as hell don't need somebody to call Big Daddy... shit, I am Big Daddy. |
