Everything3

I seemed to be alone. E2 was deserted.

I gathered my thoughts and realized I was in the noder treehouse, which was empty.

Today, dusk, and my day of rest was about to commence; No one around, yet I cared not. This, this a perfect time to explore and discover the charm of the countryside, outside, where all great Everything2 adventures begin.

I climbed down the ladder of the treehouse and paused, momentarily, half-way, to gaze and reflect upon the splendid serenity of the sunset. A mighty weeping willow is home to the treehouse, and this stately, dignified arbor sits atop a grassy knoll and soars preeminent above the rolling meadow.

No one was napping in the shade at the base, so I strolled down the hillock.

I found myself behind EDB's hut.

I could feel myself slipping, falling, tumbling. I fell into a wormhole.

Shuttling through time and space, nay transcending time and space, I could think nothing in the face of the deafening roar and blinding light but one sole thought:

"Wow, so this is what happens if go in EDB the way one usually comes out..."

Let me tell you, dear noders, what I found at the end of the wormhole. None other than Everything3...

Everything3
aka E3

In the year 3030, Everything is up and running, as Everything3.

It was recovered by the hominid species Flalfsnir, who are remarkably similar to humans (What are the odds that such a genetic similarity would exist?) save their three sets of genitalia (What are the odds that this would be the only genitic skew?) on the third planet from the sun in a galaxy that is considered by most universal commentators to be the universe's equivalent of the third world. It seems there is a strange fondness for the number three in the third millennium.

The database of E2 was found intact, and assimilated into the E3 nodegel (which implements AI technology that is self-repairing and self-improving).

E3 is maintained by a team of three. (Who would have guessed?) The core development team/principle architects are a wily Flalfsnirian scientist named Unacceptable, a dem bones cyborg, and Nate's head in a vat.

Brief Contextualizing Notes For The Third Millennium
Some useful facts for primitive human minds interested E3

• The third millennium is opposite millennium. Opposite day is cancelled out.

• In the year 3030, the internet is a compleatly immersive medium.

• In the year 3030, the internet superhighway has been superceded by internet hyperspace.

• In the year 3030, it was discovered that by the time that E2 went down, Butterfinger McFlurry had been C!'ed so many times that overflow occurred and the count looped around to -MAX_INT.

• In the year 3030, noding is a popularity contest. He who can memefect as many other noders as possible wins the unspoken war of ideas.

• In the year 3030, all references to all your base are belong to us have been deleted by Flalfsnirs who do not understand the joke.

• In the year 3030, EDB is now outsourced to an external death borg shop that is known for providing a solid, inexpensive G2G (galaxy-to-galaxy) death borging service.

• In the year 3030, all our base are belong to Flafsnir.

• In the year 3030, Googleplex (née Google) is still the web's killer app.

• In the year 3030, binarism (duality) has been superceded by tertiarism. Binary relationships (e.g. good/evil, inside/outside) having the nature of a pair of opposites now include a third element, usually intuitively associated with irony, creating a triangle of opposites. Irony has been superceded by a meta-irony (neo-irony, if you will), that is totally opposite to all three elements of the triangle. Neo-irony cannot be comprehended by 21st century humans. To attempt to do so would cause your brain to deflate like a cake without yeast.

• In the year 3030, authors of writeups including the word compleat (or some variant thereof) still derive smug satisfaction from receiving messages saying: "You misspelled complete."

• In the year 3030, lesbians are still hot virgins horny for you.

• In the year 3030, monkeys are still funny.

• In the year 3030, soy has been superceded by O.

• In the year 3030, honor roll v2 will be ready RSN.

First E3 nodes to hit ENN

• (Apologia): You suckers still fucking node, but your noding wisdom. My bad.
  Apparently, ToasterLeavings finally reconciled his differences with the noders. Third time's the charm.

• How to Good-Bye Time Travel Trauma: If You Constrict Everyanus 33.3 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

• Mr. T ate their balls: How the humans went extinct

• I will MATERIALIZE the cruiser if you don't shut up

• % touch puppy

• puppy touched

• Don't materialize your cloaked hovercraft to see what model it is or you'll tear your eyes out. But don't worry about the millions of cloaked cruisers coming to assimilate your base because they won't materialize you if you're not omniscient.

• All your radical ideas about everything seem strangely intriguing to my 3rd millennium sensibilities and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter

• Lesbians! Monkeys! O!

• O! O! O! O makes you omniscient! Omniscience transcends time and space and offers one godlike powers! O!

• unfunny is still the new funny

• Don't hack your philsophy meme onto me

• Unacceptable, This Is Nathan

Wick wakes up outside, groggy, dazed and confused but rife with nervous excitement. On the noders' green meadow, in the shade at the base of the weeping willow, are his friends.

"What a cuckoo dream! And you were there, and you were there..."