Dream Log: March 23, 2001

A playstation memory card with a digital clock on it... Now I don't have to crane around at some weird angle to see the time on my roommate's clock. Too bad it's only a dream.

There was Lemmings music playing. I was quite certain that the tune was from Lemmings, but even now I cannot think of how the tune goes.

Lots of new additions to the overpass on highway 17, crazy mountain passages and tunnels and tollbooths. Way back in the mountains somewhere is a fancy restaurant, Hard Rock Cafe or something, and just past it is a corkscrew slide leading down to a cabin by a cliff overlooking a dangerous river. I slid down the slide, remembering that the tunnel had been too narrow to get through the previous time, and I landed next to the cliff, but then my sister came flying down the slide and flew right over the cliff. I went down to save her and succeeded in getting stuck myself. My boots got wet but didn't go underwater. When I finally climbed to the top, there was some water in the bottom of my right boot, and I tried to pour it out but it was really yucky in there.

I had been in prison for years. But, recently, I had found freedom. Still, behind bars, but free.

This weight lifted from my soul, and I thought of you. You are a large part of that freedom. I don't know how exactly, but I know you are.

Three days before my release a friend escaped. Knowing he couldn't make it alone, knowing i couldn't let him fall, knowing that his escape would ruin the release I was about to have, he escaped. Beating his way through navy blue guards that swarmed about him. He couldn't make it. I sighed, and felt my heart sink as I knew what was to come. I would help him. And i did.

And now, with freedom so close, I was a wanted man. I went to my work, and talked to a woman there. I would have come to you in a second, I wished I could hold you, but the miles were too great, and I knew what I had to do. So, she took me to a restaurant near the prison, for one last dinner outside. But, there were guards, guards who knew me, smiling and waiting for tables with their wives. I could not stay. I had to go. As I walked down the steps and out through the parking lot I thought of you, thought of how my release date was in three days, but now, it might be years. I walked to the prison, to turn myself in. Living in fear was no freedom. Hiding from capture was no freedom. But, my heart had been freed already.

Thoughts: I think maybe you are such a part of that freedom because i don't feel there is anything i need to hide from you. My kink is ok. My love is ok. My presence and actions are all alright. And, the fact that I walked off a cliff six days ago, and find myself falling for you, is ok. And, finding someone like you after so many years, someone who makes me feel this way, is an amazing release and freedom in itself.

• I'm in the cartoon living room of The Simpsons. In this episode, an impromptu jam session has started up with Lisa Simpson on saxophone, Bart Simpson on guitar and Milhouse Van Houten on keyboard. The music gets more and more intense until Bart begins to break all his strings. After that, all the parallel lines in the room begin to break as well (in typical Simpson's humor) until the doors have turned into walls, the walls into a smooth sphere, Homer's teeth into dentures, the furniture into bean bags, and Milhouse's keyboard into a one-note button. We go to commercial with Lisa busting out virtuoso hard bop lines on her curvy sax.