Discordian Code

STEP 1. Write out the message (HAIL ERIS) and put all the vowels at the end &(HLRSAIEI)

STEP 2. Reverse order (IEIASRLH)

STEP 3. Convert to numbers (9-5-9-1-19-18-12-8)

STEP 4. Put into numerical order (1-5-8-9-9-12-18-19)

STEP 5. Convert back to letters (AEHIILRS)

GUARANTEED TO BE 100% UNBREAKABLE.

Sure, and neither does a little hot-dog bun, and nonetheless we cherish it greatly, especially on Friday.

Now, if I were one of those cheap Zen masters I would leave it at that, or maybe just swat you with a flywisk, since I am a pope and you are just a little insect (I called you grasshopper, you did not flinch: QED).

But as a pope I feel the need to pound some sense into that granitic box you call your head.

1. Maybe the fact that the Discordian code sucks means that there is not much point in using heavy-duty cryptography on a lot of information.
2. Maybe it means that a lot of information is ultimately bullshit, and you can confuse your enemies by leaving it in clear and hoping that they believe it.
3. Maybe, if you have really important information, you should not even be considering any crypt but real, quality, crypt like RSA with a long key.
4. And maybe, 5 tons of flax.

The sooper-sekrit meaning behind the Discordian Code lesson is given below:

The secret lesson behind the Discordian Code koan:

EVEN ORDER CAN PRODUCE CHAOS.

The initiate, learning the Discordian Code (which is more accurately a cypher) is forced to perform meaningless tasks of letter sorting, letter/number translation and ordering of numbers in what basically amounts to alphabetizing all the letters in a message. The outcome in any sufficiently large message is essentially gibberish, as the process is not reversible. The lesson, therefore, is that arbitrary application of Order yields Chaos.

c.f. Bureaucracy, Government