Whenever I drive to the City, about once a week; twice if I
must, I tune the car radio to WABC "Talk Radio" 770. Now, mind you, this
is no advertisement for that station. The programming tends to feature
individuals who discuss politics; some from the right, some from the far right,
some from the outer limits of the right, and some from right out of space.
For a long time I was so unintelligenced and naive I thought that Rush
Limbaugh was the strangest, most blathering blowhard on right-wing radio. Made
me ashamed to call myself a "fiscal conservative with a social conscience."
Yes, Virginia, there are such things as liberal Republicans. Abraham
Lincoln was one. Sadly, too few of his party these days have spent any time at
all reflecting on Lincoln's ideals for the party.
He's a Nutjob But You Gotta Love Him
Then I listened to Mark
Levin. Levin is a former Beltway insider and speech writer who now is a
spokesperson for the most righteous of the political right. I will give him
credit, though, for having a sensitive side. He's written many books which delve
into politics far deeper than my level of comprehension of the subject. His
latest book, however, is about a dog. His dog, Sprite, fell ill and had to be
put to sleep. He'd found Sprite in a pound, brought the sickly animal home and
had a few fine years with the dog before illness and age took its toll. I've
read the book and was moved to tears by it. The book is called "Rescuing Sprite"
and is an amazing read. It's available all over the place. But be forewarned,
stop at Wal-Mart and buy a jumbo-sized box of Kleenex to accompany the book.
Well, back to the political side of Mr. Levin. I had a ball listening today to his (literal) screaming and howling
about the debate featuring the nation's Republican candidates for President,
held in Iowa.
After watching the tape I must say that this was almost as fun as
hearing Ronald Reagan say to Jimmy Carter, "there you go again." Now,
if you're wondering whether or not this "tape" thing is a
Republican tradition, no, it's not. It's just that I don't have TiVo; the
debate was lovingly recorded for me by a friend of mine who's so far to the
right he makes Dick Cheney look like a Socialist.
The writers at Saturday Night Live (when not on strike) could not have, in
their wildest dreams, come up with a better straight-man (no, let's be
politically correct, "straight-person") than Ms. Carolyn Washburn, the
moderator of this afternoon's antics. Ms. Washburn is the editor of the Des
Moines Register. Her questions, her achingly boring monotonous voice, even
her mode of dress, all contributed to her being a caricature of a humorless
left-winger making an attempt to sound impartial. The fun starts when she's
suddenly dropped into the deep side of the Republican swimming pool and she
discovers she can't swim.
Radio right-winger Levin had a field day with one of the single most embarrassing
moments in the history of a Presidential campaign since the notorious photograph
of Michael Dukakis hanging out of a tank, wearing full army garb, was
published. Ms. Washburn actually asked the distinguished panel of former state-
and Federal-level leaders for a "show of hands." In what seemed like
a statement written by the Fearmonger-General of Global Warming
himself, Ms. Washburn announced she was going to change the topic. "I want to
take on a new issue, do you believe that global climate change is a serious
threat and is caused by human activity? I want a show of hands." Her tone
of voice was that of a grade-school teacher asking her students whether or not
they'd like to go outside for recess or go to the gym instead.
"I'm not doing hand shows today. You wanna give me a minute to answer
that?" said former Senator Fred Thompson from Tennessee. His
acting-coach-trained good-ole-boy drawl
couldn't have made for a more perfect delivery.
Ms. Washburn immediately responded, in a tone now not unlike a school
principal admonishing an errant student, "so you're not gonna give me a show of
hands," and while she tried to
explain that she wanted a yes or no answer Senator Thompson talked over her,
insisting, "Then I'm not gonna answer it." The crowd erupted in laughter and
then applause. I am certain that, if Senator Thompson was not indeed channeling
the spirit of Ronald Reagan, at least the Gipper was looking down on the
festivities and grinning broadly. Governor Mitt "Mormon Mitt" Romney added to
the hilarity by asking if Ms. Washburn would give him not a minute, but a
mere thirty seconds.
Poor Rudy Giuliani, my candidate of choice, frankly made a poor showing
today. His delivery was too crisp, too businesslike. In contrast to actor and
Reagan-mentee Thompson, Giuliani looked really stiff and at times insecure.
Now, I recently poked a little fun at Mr. Giuliani in a writeup that also
poked a whole lot of fun at Mrs. Clinton. While I was
at it I also took a stab at Condoleezza Rice and Maya Angelou. A noder whom
I hold in the highest esteem took me to task, explaining that I smeared Hillary
more than I smeared Rudy. I answered back that downvoting my writeup because
it criticized Hillary was no more wrong than if I were to downvote a writeup
that said noder had recently written which was critical of Republican
candidates.
To put it bluntly, (that's what I like about this fine guy), he explained
that it was a low blow to resort to R-rated humor (in this case, I mentioned
Mrs. Clinton's vagina not once, but I do believe several times, and indicated
that were it not for a certain set of hypothetical circumstances, it would emit
a foul odor.)
Well, today's writeup will contain no references to anybody's vagina.
Although I must admit that I had an idea for a cartoon involving certain members
of the debate panel masturbating furiously to official photographs of Ronald
Reagan.
It's so Hard to Stay Away From Drugs When You're an Impressionable Teen
In other news, someone should smack Barack Obama upside his head. Although
it is sage wisdom in many cases, when it comes to politics, the phrase "The
truth will set you free" doesn't apply. I admire his candor regarding drug
experimentation, but in the name of all that's Holy, Mr. Obama, don't forget
you're a young, liberal black man running for the very highest office in a
country controlled by old, conservative guys, most of whom are not black.
Barack, you should have written in your book that you didn't inhale.
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