Recently a girlfriend and I were talking about dating and the topic of "deal breakers" came up. I was fascinated that the idea of a "deal breaker" seems to be generally recognized among women. So this is what I came up with.
Even though we all have our idealized laundry lists of physical qualities our "perfect mate" would/possess, when it's decision-making time, if we aren't completely shallow and insecure human beings, all those factors become secondary to the more important traits that can only manifest themselves internally.
In other word it doesn't matter how hot a guy is on the outside if he's hideous on the inside.
And sometimes the opposite is true, and that guy that physically falls short of the qualities declared by the proverbial prince charming, turns out to be a keeper. Often time it's the brick we turn away that becomes the cornerstone. The really gorgeous guy/girl with the perfect body, face, hair, teeth, EVERYTHING--will more often than not turn out to be the opposite of what we expected. Sometimes when we actually get the chance to date the custom mold we've mentally sculpted, we learn that this cast is the antithesis of our true ideal.
It's not just beauty, wealth, class, culture, religion, family, education, humor, height, weight, wit, intellect, sexuality, age, perspective, and understanding--that have an intrinsic value, because standing alone, they mean nothing. It needs to be the right balance of all these things (not that these are the ONLY factors to consider) that can make someone compatible. Even then it is different for all of us.
I have yet to create a laundry list of physical characteristics I will unilaterally dismiss (although I know what I'm attracted to and what I'm not) I have, however, created a non-negotiable laundry list of internal characteristics I will unilaterally dismiss:
Aloofness- the person who is "too-Cool," they make other people feel like they are second-class by keeping themselves' above everyone and emitting an "I don't give a shit" air.
Anti-intellectuals- people who pride themselves on "not giving a shit" about: culture, politics, or the world in general.
No manners- people that are mean to the wait-staff or "help" in general; you're not proving that you are superior by treating people who provide you a service like trash, it's distasteful, disrespectful and makes you look like an asshole.
The Crass-Jackass- people that think it's funny, or cool, to be uncouth shock jockeys; burping, farting, or calling other women/men Bitches/sluts/whores/insert profanity here.
Self-loathers- people who don't respect themselves or their bodies, consequently they treat themselves and others as sex objects/disposable/conquests.
Selfish- people that only think of themselves; these people are so self-absorbed that they think that the only worthy partners are the ones that grovel at their feet.
La-la-landers- These idealist spend more time creating an image than they actually spend living an authentic life; these people can only keep up this act for so long before they end up eliminating themselves.
Players- people that are only interested in one thing and it is not getting to know you. They will invest as much time or money or effort it takes to get you naked and in their bed. Once you think that things are really going somewhere they disappear.
Immature- people that can't even begin to tell you what they want out of life or from you, because they are not sure themselves. As soon as you let them know what you want, that much decisiveness is unacceptable, they jet.
Culture/Class-less- people that lack common sense, have no breeding, and are devoid of any etiquette, or wherewithal.
I'm not saying that a decent person can't posses any of the aforementioned qualities (or flaws, as I see them), I just believe that this should not be the core of their existence. When my girlfriend and I were talking about this we weren't being snobby elitists, we were being realistic. There aren't any "somebody's" who want to be with a "nobody." It's not what the person looks like, the car, the money, or the clothes, and really that's the point--don't let those things make up who you are.
When did being authentic go out of style? |
