Everything2
Near Matches
Ignore Exact
Full Text
Everything2

Cliff Yablonski

created by lakeid

(person) by Malebranche (5.2 mon) (print)   ?   2 C!s Tue Oct 24 2000 at 1:11:21

Cliff Yablonski is an angst-ridden old man who lives in Appleton, a city in some state which is probably down south in the US of A. He hates everybody and everything except for Law and Order. From what I've gathered, he has archives of pictures of people from his neighborhood (be they white trash, "goths", or ravers) on his website, along with interesting little captions for each expressing his extreme distaste for them. The website kind of makes you wonder how someone could hate so much. But then again, viewing the site leads to an easy deduction.

Oh yes, the URL... it's "www.somethingawful.com/cliff/ihateyou". If it's got a mullet, a Pabst, or multicolored hair, it'll be denigrated there.

He's really lowtax, of course.


(person) by Wagstaff (1.2 mon) (print)   ?   Wed Sep 19 2001 at 10:45:53

Cliff Yablonski is also the star of the (soon-to-be) hit game Cliff Yablonski: Freedom Fighter.

In the introduction cutscene, Cliff finds himself dazed and drunk on his kitchen floor, garbage and debris strewn about. "It must have been those goddamn nazi russian korean vietnamese commie slugshits!", he exclaims in a dialog window with fonts and punctuation reminiscent of All Your Base Are Belong To Us.

With any luck, our hero Cliff will mercilessly pummel the goths, hicks, and gay furries of Appleton, 'till the pummelin' they can't takes no more.

(Alpha screenshots available at http://www.somethingawful.com/plan/)


(and the following, the full intro, is courtesy of someone completely different:)


"WHAT IN THE BLAZING FUCK...? MY HEAD, WHO SHOT ME IN THE HEAD?"

"IT MUST HAVE BEEN THOSE GODDAMN NAZI RUSSIAN KOREANVIETNAMESE COMMIE SLUGSHITS!",
"AND THEY BROKE MY FUCKING KITCHEN LIGHT TOO! THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD MUST BE INFESTED!"

"I GOTTA GET MY SHOTGUN AND TAKE CARE OF THIS RED FUCKIN' MENACE! AMERICA WILL WIN AGAIN!"
He gets up and runs off.

(person) by Lactic.Acid (3.7 y) (print)   ?   Thu Nov 01 2001 at 14:39:03

Malebranch: I have to disagree. I am 98.9943% sure that Cliff Yablonski is from the locale of none other than that of Appleton, Wisconsin, smack in the heart of the U.S. of A. There is no place on earth outside of Wisconsin where you could this many screwed up people all in one geographical distribution. Including the entirety of New York, in all her glory. And I'm stuck across the river from these primitive screwheads.

:edit: Dang. anotherone says re Cliff Yablonski: "I just asked Lowtax, East Appleton is not based on any real city." There goes another reason to lambast 'sconnies for being from Wisconsin... :/edit:


printable version
chaos

Jeff K. A winner is you Berne's feminist graffiti Something Awful
The new trend of 'sensitive' rappers NES Zapper furries When you know things are just meant to be
I would really like to beat the crap out of someone Famous Last Words URL All your base are belong to us
Law & Order Army of Darkness somethingawful.com Deduction
The Velvet Underground Card carrying, glow-stick waving, use too much gel, funny pant wearing, weirdo When Jet-Poop nuked guest user Ticks & Leeches
Microsoft Barney White trash Mel Sharples Cliffy
Y'know, if you log in, you can write something here, or contact authors directly on the site. Create a New User if you don't already have an account.
  Epicenter
Login
Password

password reminder
register

Everything2 Help

Cool Staff Picks
Things you could have written:
2000 Oil Crisis
Fuck the models
School of Information Analysis of Everything (1)
Human Freedom Index
Life cycle of one Dragonheart puppet
A Theological Justification for Homosexual Intercourse
The young poet, facing a deadline, scans pages 450-467 of the OED
product placement
Battle of Cable Street
Cheap Homemade Facials
Peano monster curve
Which 3-manifold do we live in?
The Little Prince
New Writeups
Glowing Fish
The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans(thing)
WolfKeeper
Launch loop(idea)
TendoKing
Katana(person)
Wuukiee
Highly ornamental cultivars of brambles still have as many thorns as their wild counterparts(idea)
TheDeadGuy
Editor Log: May 2008(log)
everyday j.Lo
pray do not molest them(thing)
ammie
Bands Who Take Their Names from Eighteenth-century English Poetry and Prose(idea)
shaogo
Under My Thumb(review)
ammie
Rock On(person)
The Custodian
The Dresden Files(thing)
Ouzo
PETA becomes you, a proposed future(fiction)
Ereneta
Stone Soup, Part Two(fiction)
jjen
Sorrier than I ever thought I would be(personal)
locke baron
Moskva class antisubmarine cruiser(thing)
Wuukiee
May 15, 2008(idea)
This affordable entertainment brought to you by The Everything Development Company