Ask moJoe : Dear Credulous in Cambridge

(idea) by moJoe Sat Jul 08 2000 at 3:09:40
Dear moJoe:

What's my fucking problem?

-- Credulous in Cambridge



Dear C in C,

Due to your penchant for simpleminded, cyclopean vagueness I had to retain the services of my constant companion and trusty manservant, Mr. ToasterLeavings. I instructed Mr. ToasterLeavings to sit outside of your house and take pictures of your activities through the windows and then to break into and search your house after you left for work.

In short, I'd say among the more prominent problems are cheap locks, a curious lack of blinds or curtains and more notably; a rather bizarre new problem with a wide scope of outcomes that range from a very expensive blackmail arrangement to a very long stay in jail. I'm sure you understand what I am speaking of, doubtless I need not mention it here or you can pile a few extra problems onto this mess that you call life.

In short, my clinical advice would be to hang your self. If this doesn't suit you, I hope that you don't mind liquidating your assets as I do not accept Visa, Mastercard or American Express.

Just remember, "Freedom is priceless".
      Y.T.
        -moJoe

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(idea) by ToasterLeavings Sat Jul 08 2000 at 4:40:25

ring ring....ring ring.... ring ring...

*click*

M: *Breathless panting..* Hello! Who disturbs the .....educational activities of Lord moJoe? Who dares destroy the sanctity of my religious experimentation into the friction properties of my most sacred fleshy form? I am outraged beyond even my herculean abilities to construct umbrage! Outraged!

T: It's me boss...Toast.

M: Ahah..my imbecilic manservant Mr. ToasterLeavings, I should have known that only one of such limited capabilites and ant-like forethought would presume to trouble me at such a late hour, and at such an important juncture in my preparations for ascendance to Godhead. With what trifling matter have you sought to bore and weary my gargantuan intellect? Speak man..SPEAK!

T: When you goin a pay me boss?

M: Pay, PAY!?! By the pacifier of sweet baby jesus man, have you lost your mind? No, let me rephrase, did you FIND a mind, and then purposely lose it? You are doing this for the greater glory of my self-edification, and there can be no worthier purpose. Your crass interjecture regarding tawdry fiscal rewards is beggaring my considerable belief in my own transcendant powers of explication. Can it be that you actually expected me to sully my hands with the mundane triflings of base merchantry?

T: Umm..boss, you're a cock. I'm goin a hafta remind you about dem picchures of you and da schoolgirls with dose animals in da pettin' zoo again?

M: ....... Cash, cheque, or your usual swiss bank account my faithful servant?

T: beer boss, like a toldja last time... always beer.

*click*

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