another "interactive toy" from fisher-price. i thought i'd seen some weird ideas, right up until they decided to let a near-suicidal donkey give little children advice.

i guess this thing is supposed to be the magic 8 ball of the winnie the pooh universe. according to amazon.com, all you must do is squeeze eeyore's hoof to get one of "20 ho-hum responses." examples include: "go ahead, ask a question... if you want" or "yeah! this is your lucky day." but of course you have to imagine such phrases coming in a deep lethargic drawl. "yeah, kids... today's a good day to kill yourself... remember to slice down, not across..." "i have a question for you, if you think it's not too much trouble. why don't you just let me die?" i should be a toy designer.

listen to amazon try to sell this "plush pal" to the unwitting consumer:

• "eeyore, king of gloom, will bring a smile and a giggle to parents and kids alike..." (oh, i bet)
• "with ultrasoft plush fur" (ooh, ultrasoft?)
• "even when he's not talking, this adorable eeyore brings a bit of color to any playroom" (grey?)
• "this toy won the oppenheim toy portfolio holiday toy test platinum award!" (oh baby, i don't know exactly what that means, but it must be good!)

for around thirty dollars you can let this excellent, excellent role model be your child's guide through the most important of decisions. "eeyore, should i burn down the house?" "oh, i suppose so... now leave me alone... i'm going to go swallow this bottle of pills..."